Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Definitely made me cry

I didnt write this, a Marine Girlfriend posted it on facebook forever ago.


My love and prayers go out to all the girls who will read this note, fully understand every single word, and be in tears by the time she’s done…

If you have never loved a Marine, then you wouldn’t know how it feels to watch him leave, never knowing when you will see his face again. You wouldn’t know the pain endured and tears shed with every good-bye. You wouldn’t know how it feels to hope and pray he comes back the same man you fell in love with. You wouldn’t know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for months on end, and the longing to simply touch his cheek. You wouldn’t know the heartache after missing his long awaited call or the hint of happiness when you realize that you are now able to listen to the voicemail over and over again. You wouldn’t understand why a Friday night on the phone with him beats going out with the girls. You haven’t truly felt the lack of sleep until after those long phone calls that go on until midnight his time, six A.M. yours when you have to get up for work at seven.

If you’ve never loved a Marine you wouldn’t know how it feels to go to a restaurant or to the mall, attempting not to notice couples holding hands, trying to hold back tears, knowing it will be twenty seven weeks until your fingers are once more intertwined in his.

If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never be able to comprehend the immense pride that fills your smile when you wear his sweatshirt with ‘USMC’ across your chest, or the reason you wear his dog tags: to always keep him close to your heart♥. You wouldn’t know what its like to cuddle up in his clothes and grasp the teddy bear he made you last week, knowing that its the closest to him you can get. You wouldn’t understand how decorating the back of your car with bumper stickers could ever be cool, and the connection you feel with another whose car wears the same emblem as your own. You wouldn’t know the sacrifice, the willingness to let go of someone you love so much for the good of faceless strangers who would not have spared him a passing glance, had he been in his civilian clothes. You wouldn’t know the feeling of uncertainty, never knowing where he will be sent next year, or next week. You would never know how it feels to be left alone with your hopes, dreams, and fears, to have your whole future hanging in the balance of the next couple months until he comes home.

If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never fully know the meaning of the phrase: ‘Semper Fi.’ You wouldn’t be able to comprehend the anxiousness of waiting for the mailman, the extreme joy when a letter finally arrives, and the tears that follows as you read his quick scribbled handwriting. You wouldn’t ever have to send a letter with its stamp upside down to a faraway camp in a land you rather not know about. You wouldn’t understand the anticipation leading up to the day when you can once again hold him in your arms. You wouldn’t know why that feeling of awe over a man in uniform, has suddenly become a deep longing and grief because you miss your man so much.

If your heart has never belonged to a Marine you wouldn’t know what it’s like to become ecstatic when you see a man in dress blues across a billboard, freak out when you watch the commercial on T.V., and feel your chest tighten when you read a sign that says ‘Support our Troops, Bring Them Home!’ You wouldn’t understand this because you do not realize that he wanted to fight, and as much as you need him, you know our country needed him more. You’ll never understand the strength you have to muster up to be strong and put on a smile for the world, even though you feel so weak inside.

Unless you’ve loved a Marine, you wouldn’t know that the meaning behind his girl’s smile is heartache and longing, pride and joy, willingness and uncertainty, and a love great enough to cross oceans, encompass deserts, transcend mountains, and overcome anything that comes between the two of them.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Friendships

I take friendships pretty seriously. I don't know about everyone else, but friends are like family so I'm going to treat them that way. I don't know what it is about today, but little things have really kinda hurt my heart when it comes to friends. I know I personally put in effort with my friends, tell them I miss them, ask them to hang out, ask them to come places with me, etc. And I love how a couple of people in particular never do it back. I know it kinda sounds like I'm in 5th grade, but it is starting to hurt my feelings. I think I'm going to start living by the quote that says "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option." I hate the fact that we go from talking all the time, then when I stop texting, they don't ever text me. I don't want to be the one who always does it first. How is that friendship? I don't really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. I tell you all about my life, what I'm doing ect, and I have to find out what you are doing from facebook. Seriously? I had no idea about it and I feel like if you were really excited about what is going on in your life, you would share it with me. Well, I guess not. It just makes me want to stick with friends who actually care. That's all I've got tonight, I guess.

I might delete this tomorrow, it just made me feel better getting it out.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Semper Fi

This is the story of a wounded Marine meeting the Commandant, as told by Former President Ronald Reagan in a speech, in 1987
My dad use to tell me about this, and now I just stumbled across it. It made me cry.

Excerpt from President Ronald Reagan’s March 4, 1987 speech, dealing with the Marine Barracks Bombing in Beirut, Lebanon:


“…May I share something with you I think you’d like to know? It’s something that happened to the Commandant of our Marine Corps, General Paul Kelley, while he was visiting our critically injured Marines in an Air Force Hospital. It says more than any of us could ever hope to say about the gallantry and heroism of these young men who serve so willingly so that others might have a chance at peace and freedom in their own lives and in the life of their country. I’ll let General Kelley’s words describe the incident.

He spoke of a ‘young marine with more tubes going in and out of his body than I have ever seen in one body. He couldn’t see very well. He reached up and grabbed my four stars, just to make sure I was who I said I was. He held my hand with a firm grip. He was making signals , and we realized he wanted to tell me something. We put a pad of paper in his hand - and he wrote “Semper Fi.”

Well, if you’ve been a Marine or if, like myself, you’re an admirer of the Marines, you know those words are a battlecry, a greeting, and a legend in the Marine Corps. They’re Marine shorthand for the motto of the Corps - “Semper Fidelis” — “Always Faithful.”

General Kelley has a reputation for being a very sophisticated general and a very tough Marine. But he cried when he saw those words, and who can blame him?”

Saturday, October 23, 2010

October 23rd.....Already???

I honestly cannot believe October will be over next weekend. That's so scary. I remember just like it was yesterday that I posted on facebook that it was already October and how much I hated it. Andrew leaves in wayyyy less than 2 months, and I'm scared as anything, to be honest.I know worry is a lack of trust in God, but humans have a hard time with that. I've already been thinking of things to send him. I know what I'm going to be putting in his birthday package and our anniversary package. I also came up with an idea of how to countup this deployment. I'll post a picture when the dreaded time comes to make this thing. I've also tried to stay busy so I don't think about what is about to happen. When school isn't taking all my time, I try to atleast do some fun things!

Monday I went to Dollywood. It's a theme park in Tennessee that Ms. Dolly Parton owns. It was pretty fun! The last time I went was with Andrew right before bootcamp, so it had been awhile.

This was my favorite ride.



Also, on Thursday I carved pumpkins with Brinley and Lindsey. I had found a picture of a pumpkin I wanted to try to do.
This was the one I found.



And this was my finished product!!


I am in love with how it turned out! I think its WAY cute!!

I also went to see "The Social Network" last night, and it is a really good movie! A lot better then I thought it was!

Today, I got my two Bands for Arms braclets! They are awesome! If you don't know what I'm talking about, check this out: http://www.bandsforarms.com/


On a different note, Andrew has been in California for 2 weeks now, and I haven't heard his voice in a week now. He texts me here and there when he gets service, or he isn't busy....but man I miss that boy. It sucks that I can't talk to him now and then in a few weeks, I still won't be able to talk to him. Oh how I love the MC....

Now, I'm gonna try to convince my mom to take me shopping! We will see how that goes :) I know this blog was all over the place, but that is how my mind is these days.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Still learning

Even though I'm 21, I'm still learning things about myself all the time. Last night, my mom and I got into a disagreement. When I get upset or angry, I just shut down. I don't talk, I don't do anything really. I guess that is my way of making sure the other person knows that I'm mad. I know I do it with Andrew every time I get mad at him. But, even if he has hurt my feelings, I still don't want to hurt his, and it never once occured to me that by shutting down and not speaking to him might actually be hurting his feelings.

Last night, after my mom and I disagreed, I didn't say another word to her and I just went to bed. I was obviously just thinking about myself and never once how I was making her feel. This morning I woke up and was still kinda hurt from last night and didn't really say much. After lunch, I found a letter my mom wrote and she explained to me that how I was acting was hurting her feelings and that she would never act like this towards me EVEN IF we did argue. That really opened my eyes not only with my relationship with my mom but with Andrew too. I know that not talking isn't going to solve anything any faster, its just immature. I hate when I hurt my mom's feelings...it really does hurt my heart. And then, she apologizes that she hurt mine. Ugh, so of course that made me cry. I guess you learn as you grow and even in random moments, you can learn something about yourself that you never would have imagined. So here is to trying to stop acting so stupid if my feelings are hurt. I gotta talk it out.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Happy 10/10/10

First off, Happy 10/10/10. Today in church, Pastor Sam said when the next time 10/10/10 comes around, we will be in Heaven. Isn't that pretty cool to think about? I thought so.

Anyways....Andrew has been in California for about 3 days now, and I've really come to notice something. Whenever Andrew is gone and we can't talk, days drag on and on and on. He's gonna be there for 6 weeks and of course Verizon doesn't get any service in the desert so these 6 weeks are gonna take forever! Whenever I can call him or text him, the days just pass on by. I guess when my friends' husbands are deployed and I think the days are going by so fast, well to me they are, but to them they aren't. Just these 3 days have already made me DREAD December and this stupid deployment. I know that this deployment is going to bring me even closer to God and strength my faith in Him, because I know I am going to have to put complete trust and faith in Him because I'm gonna be helpless to do anything.

It's kinda weird though because in some ways I cannot wait for Andrew to leave (I know that sounds awful), but I can't wait to get this countdown started; I can't wait to start writing letters and sending carepackages!! I just can't wait until next summer!

Well, I need to get to study. This next week is not going to be fun whatsoever! Happy Sunday!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Definition of Love

I posted this on facebook and little bit ago and I just re-read it tonight and it gave me chills once again. It is such the truth.....

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.



You expect him to always say the right thing, and to always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing.



Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.



Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love.



It’s inconvenient, painful, and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.



Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you. Right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.



It’s after a fight, that drains the life and bones right out of both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be okay. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.



You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’re unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of anothers hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you in the first place. Just as long as you have it.



It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the sh*t out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway.Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it.



And it’s a heck of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I gotta keep this thing up to date....

A lot has been happening! First, Nursing School has been going pretty well! I've been in school for a little over a month and a half and it has flown by. I'm hoping the next 16 months fly by as well! It has been stressful and busy with studying ever weekend, but I know in the end when I'm able to graduate, it is going to be all worth it!

Also, I have gotten to see Andrew 2 times this month. Two weekends ago, Andrew got a random 96 and he came home. I absolutely LOVE when he comes home. Things are so much better when he is in Knoxville. I love hanging out with him around both of our families and just being able to do things. It makes my heart happy. We went to the UT vs Florida football game, which was the first one we got to go to together since 2008. Even though we lost and it was miserably hot outside, it was fun being with him.
Then, just this past weekend was the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. Andrew's was early this year because in November he will be training and not be here, so they pushed it up. I gotta admit, it was nearly as fun or as nice as the one in 2008. This year's was on base in a field house with no A/C. Outside felt better then in did in there. We only stayed until the presentation was over and we left to go to Ihop to eat! It felt like prom all over again, but it was fun. I left bright and early Sunday morning to get home to have time to study for my test on Monday. I hate leaving Jacksonville. I feel like that is where I am meant to be I feel like....oh well...


That's just a little bit of what has been going on in my life....fun right? haha

Saturday, September 4, 2010

My heart is hurting

I don't even know where to start with this. Everytime I think about it, I want to start crying. One of the sweetest, most caring, and loving girls that I know doesn't deserve to be going through what she is. Thursday morning I woke up for work and got on facebook. I see Chrissy's status that said "This isn't happening, it can't be". Chrissy and I have become texting buddies, I guess you would say. Every since her boyfriend deployed, her and I text each other a lot. Venting has always helped my soul and no matter what she was going through, she always listened to me and gave wonderful advice and support. When I texted her Thursday, I asked her what was wrong and she told me that Josh had died. At first I thought it was a joke, and then I didn't know what to do. I was so confused and heart broken for her. All I could do was cry. I cried for her pain and her loss. I know she is unbearably sad and confused. I know I would be. I honestly don't know how I would manage to keep breathing. But as I have seen over the last couple of days, Chrissy is so much stronger then I could ever think of being. I know she is going through more then she ever has before and she is having a hard time with people, but she still goes on. She is still living as hard as it is. I admire her strength and her courage. I've been thinking about her constantly since I found out. I've been praying and I know God will take care of Chrissy, but it still doesn't make things any easier. I honestly do not not how I could handle something like this, and it makes me so scared for Andrew to be going over to Afghanistan soon. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Chrissy is living my worst nightmare and I just wish this was all a dream. She didn't deserve this and it just saddens me because I can only imagine how much pain she is in. I hope God comforts her as quickly as possible!! I don't know if she will ever read this, but I'm so sorry Chrissy. You're an angel and I'm always here for you if you need someone to listen to you! Hang in there and know that so many people love you.... :(

RIP Josh

Also, the board I am on has rasied over $1000 to help Chrissy. Who knew women that you meet online can become such a sisterhood and love eachother so much! It is just amazing to me and I'm proud to be a part of it!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Exactly What I Needed To Hear

Today's church sermon was amazing. I felt like God wanted me to be there to hear it and it was in some ways written to help me. It was absolutely amazing and I'm going to try to explain what Pastor Sam talked about.

The whole service was about Marriages marred and mended. Now, yes, I'm well aware that I'm not married, but I felt like this applied directly to my relationship. It's no secret that Andrew and I have our problems. We are a very passionate couple, and passion comes with love and sometimes (well many times) arguments.

A model marriage has this:

Oneness - Where your spouse is the most important person in your life, other than God. In the bible it says, "A man is to leave his mother and father and join with his wife." Pastor Sam said that doesn't mean you technically have to leave your parents, but a man is to now regard his wife as the most important relationship, and no one should come before her (expect for God).

Openness - This one is kinda self explanatory. You have to be open with your spouse.

Next..... A Marred Marriage

Pastor Sam talked about how marriage problems are spiritual problems. Which I totally agree, and that can also be in any dating relationship too. Selfishness is the heart of the problem. That really struck a cord with me, because I know he is right. I'm not ashamed to say I can be and am selfish. It is one of my worst qualities. That has to change if I ever want things to get better. I realize that and I really am working hard on it. Pastor Sam named some selfish-ness (is that a word?) and I'm gonna write them out. I don't remember exactly what he said with each of them because I was to busy paying attention to write. haha

~ Self-focused Deception
~ Self-focused Desire - which he said was focusing on what I don't have more than what I do have. Which, by the way, is A LOT if I would just realize it.
~ Self-focused Desire
~ Self-focused Deflection
~ Self-focused Domination

And then the blame game starts. In Genesis, Adam blames Eve for tempting him with the apple, and then Eve blames the snake. They never blame themselves, which I admit, I do a lot. I got to start sucking up my pride and blaming myself for the stuff I have done.

Pastor Sam said marriages are never hopeless, because there is a God who can mend ANYTHING!

Next.... A Mended Marriage
God gives hope to the broken hearted.

A marriage (or relationship) can be mended through the power of our Savior.

Romans 5:20b was quoted. It says, "But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more."

He also showed this picture.


He said," If there is hope at ground zero, then there can be hope in a marriage."

The key to any marriage or relationship is to not focusing on each other, but on Jesus.

I hoped this helped someone, because it really did help me!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

For the guys....

Tell her how you ADMIRE her. when she’s upset, hold her tight. PICK HER OVER all the other girls you hang out with. PLAY WITH HER HAIR. pick her up, tickle her and wrestle with her. JUST TALK TO HER. TELL HER JOKES. BRING HER FLOWERS just because. Holdherhandandrun. just hold her hand. …let her fall asleep in your arms. Tell her she looks beautiful. Look into her eyes and smile. kiss her on the forehead. kiss her in the rain. If you want to be with her… tell her

Tell her why you think shes so amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at you, listen to her and remember why you upset her so next time you wont. Give her back rubs. Play football with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her when she least expects it. Be her best friend...

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Nursing School/Feelings

Today I had round one of my nursing school orientation. I was so nervous and anxious that it made my head hurt. I have no idea why I get so nervous over nursing school, I guess I just don't want to fail. I want summer to last forever, but then I also want school to start so I can get it over with. 17 months will be over before I know it right? I almost fainted when I learned how much books were. They are basicially 1/3 of how much my tutition is. I keep having to tell myself it will be worth it in the future.

Also, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am seriously in a funk. I think I figured out why, and its this simple...jealously and distance. I'm not going to mention any names but a couple of people might know exactly who I'm talking about. I hate when I see people get what I want when they don't even deserve it. They get to experience something that I want and its just not fair. I guess life isn't fair, but duringthe last couple months it REALLY hasn't been fair. I don't know how else to explain it without just coming out and saying whats wrong, but this past weekend was hard. Also, distance is seriously getting the best of me. Its been 3 weeks since I have seen Andrew's face, or hugged him, or gotten to touch him and I feel like I'm wasting away. It feels like forever, and I have atleast a month (if not more) until I see him again. It makes me tear up typing this, but distance is so hard. Most of my friends have no idea how it feels to not see their boyfriends for weeks or months at a time, so I feel so lonely sometimes. Even though I keep my mouth shut, I can't stand when people tell me "I can't imagine doing what you are doing, I miss my boyfriend after one night a part." Well suck it up....that is what I want to say. If you had to, you could do it. It's hard and it sucks, but please keep it to yourself that the most you are a part from your boyfriend is a night here or there. Most people don't get what I go through, and I guess that is okay. They don't have to. I just wish sometimes that it wasn't so hard. I love seeing Andrew for more then a weekend, but I also feel like it makes it harder. I've never felt so lonely then I do right now, and like I said, its only been 3 weeks. I wish I could fix whatever is wrong with me, but I guess first I have to figure out what it is. I just wish for once I could get some luck....I just miss my boyfriend and I'm allowed to whine about it.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Life

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Tears

Every cried so much, you don't know what it feels like to go a day without doing it? That is how I feel. This distance is really starting to get to me. Somedays, I honestly don't know how I've done it for 3+ years now. IT SUCKS! It never used to suck before, but it really does right now. I don't know what is wrong with me and why now it is just feeling so hard. It might be because there are so many things in my life that are changing. I just moved home, I start nursing school in 17 days, and I'm supposed to start soon (hey its my blog, I don't care). All of that combined is making me crazy. Well, that is what I'm assuming. It drives me crazy when I don't hear from Andrew often, and some days I feel like that makes me a psycho, but other days I feel like its just me being a girl. Is that too much to ask for? I feel like I put too much pressure on this relationship, but I don't know how not to. I feel like I expect too much, but is that a bad thing? I want to feel loved and I don't always feel like that. My heart really hurts right now...

I know I wrote the word "feel" about 50 million times, sorry

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

If you knew me...

Last night I was watching the new show on MTV called "If you knew me" and I thought I would give it a shot....so here goes....

If you knew me, you would know that I'm not always as happy as I seem. Memories, thoughts, and the past get me down a lot. It's hard for me to let go of things that have hurt me, even though I try. It's hard for me to move past resentment and I really wish there was an "Easy Button" for things like that. If you knew me, you would know that my family is no where near perfect. But, I guess no family is. Some days I get so fed up with them that I just want to get in my car and drive far far away, but all in all I love them with everything I have. If you knew me, you would know that I'm scared to fail. I start nursing school next month, and I secretly don't want to. I'm so scared I'm not going to be good at being a nurse, or I won't know what to do for someone when the time comes. People ask me all the time if I am excited to start and I always say yes but deep down, I'm not at all. If you knew me, you would know that I envy many people. I think life can be unfair a lot of the time. Andrew and I have been dating for almost 3 and a half years now and not once has he been home for any of my birthdays or our anniversaries...and to me that isn't fair. I know people probably think, well you knew what you were getting yourself into when you starting dating him, but does that make any of it fair? If you knew me, you would know that some days I just feel like crying. Like today. I think crying is the only thing that is going to make me feel better. If you knew me, you would know that I miss my puppy more then anything. Just this past weekend I slept in and the first thing I thought of when I woke up was "Oh man, I need to take Moco outside." August 6 will be one year since he passed, and it still hurts my heart every time I think about him. I can still vividly picture his face and hear his bark. I miss that dog so freaking much. If you knew me, you would know that I need to get back to trusting and talking to God more. I go to church every Sunday I am in town, but it still doesn't feel like enough some days. I need to stop being so lazy and read my Bible more and just spend time with God and talk to Him. He is the one who REALLY knows me and loves me exactly how I am, so why don't I treat Him like that. If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I try to think everything is always going to be okay and I try not to think the worst about anything, even though sometimes that is hard. If you knew me, you would know that I'm terrified of Andrew's upcoming deployment. The last one was hard on us even though we talked a lot, so I can't even imagine how Afghanistan will be. I'm terrified of something happening to him and it makes my heart sink just thinking about it. I honestly don't know what I would do with myself. If you knew me, you would know that I love people and I would seriously do anything for anyone if they needed me. I hate letting people down and I can't stand when someone is mad at me.


That is all I have so far, sorry for the rambling. I might add more later.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I've been slacking

I haven't written a blog in...forever. I know. I randomly think of something that I want to write here, but when I come to write it, it never sounds as good as it did in my head. Such is life, I guess.

I've been a pretty busy girl here for the past two weeks. My online summer classes started 2 weeks ago and I've been non stop working on them. I've been trying to get a lot of stuff done before I start Nursing School in August, which I am soooo scared about. I know that is kinda sad, but I am. I'll probably throw up the first day of classes and then be fine. ha

Yesterday was father's day, and we had a great day. I wanted to share what the card said that I got for my dad because I thought it was absolutely perfect!
It read:

A few things daughters know because of dads:

-That little princesses can be sluggers, too.
-That life's too short not to laugh...or eat ice cream...or dream big.
-That somebody thinks she's beautiful even when she forgets it.
-That there'll always be at least one guy she can count on, no matter what.

-That growing up is just for a little while, but a dad's love is forever, Happy Father's Day!



I'm one extremely blessed girl to have such an amazing father! I love him more than words could ever ever say!!!




Thursday, June 10, 2010

In love with this song




"Sweater Song" - Hedley

she said baby don't leave
be home stay close be close to me
boy dont' be gone
he said baby you know
i gotta run i gotta go
i won't be long, girl i won't be long

she said boy don't you flirt
and baby please just don't get hurt
and if you feel alone then here take my shirt
he said forever girl i know you hate the weather girl
so maybe you should hold onto my sweater girl

she ran picked up the phone
said babe i miss you come back home
it can't be long, boy it can't be long
he said i hate this place
i miss your smile i miss your face
i wrote a song, girl i wrote a song

she said you make me better boy
i just mailed you a letter boy
and oh just so you know i'm still in your sweater boy
he said girl don't be hurt
i've sweat a lot and smell of dirt
and i think i'd feel naked without your shirt

he said you're looking great
i'm home i'm back i couldn't wait
girl way too long, this was way too long
she said get over here
i crave you close i need you near
now play that song, boy play me our song

he said back to forever girl
hope you endured the weather girl
now all i wanna do is get you outta that sweater girl
she said i like the way you flirt
i'm so glad you didn't get hurt
now let me see you naked without that shirt

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Quotes to Remember

Save the world … it's the only planet with chocolate.
-Unknown

"Retirement should be based on the tread, not the mileage."
-Allen Ludden

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."
-Amy Bloom

"Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped."
-African Proverb

The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Give not from the top of your purse but from the bottom of your heart.
-Unknown

Don't give 'til it hurts — give 'til it feels good.
-Unknown

Life may not be the party we hoped for … but while we are here we might as well dance!
-Unknown

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.
-Stacia Tauscher

By the time we realize our parents were right, we have children who think we're wrong.
-Guillermo Hernandez

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
-Andy Rooney

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
-Unknown

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
-Unknown

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
-Unknown

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
-Unknown

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
-Unknown

Never buy a car you can't push.
-Unknown

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
-Unknown

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
-Unknown

The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
-Unknown

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-Unknown

Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
-Unknown

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
-Unknown

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
-Unknown

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
-Unknown

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
-Unknown

Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
-Unknown

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
-Unknown

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
-Unknown

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
-Michael

Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.
-Sean Connery

One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with him, or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again.
-Judith Viorst

Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
-Isaac Goldberg

You never know when you're making a memory.
-Rickie Lee Jones

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
-Unknown

What the mother sings to the cradle goes all the way down to the coffin.
-Henry Ward Beecher

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
-Paul Fix

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
-Dudley Moore

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
-Rita Rudner

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you'?
-William A. Ward

Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
-Charles Schulz

It was said of Henry Ward Beecher that no one ever felt the full force of his kindness until he did Beecher an injury.
-Harry Fosdick

Sometimes the difficulties God takes you through are not for you but for somebody else- for someone who is watching you and seeing how you react to and handle something.
-J. R. Ricks

There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.
-Martin Buxbaum

If all else fails, stop using all else.
-Unknown

Men may play the game, but women know the score.
-Unknown

"JUSTICE: When our kids have their own kids!"
-Unknown

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.
I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.
-Calvin Coolidge

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.
-Ann Landers

Some pursue happiness - others create it.
-Unknown

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
-Unknown

Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you've learned.
-Unknown

Chase your passion, not your pension.
-Edward James Olmos

None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.
-Andrew Jackson

Every morning, I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
-Robert Orben

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.
-Franklin P. Adams

We can't always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we react to it.
-Robert Urich

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.
-George Washington

I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time.
-Charlie Brown

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
-Dave Barry

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
-Walter Winchell

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
-Unknown

To those who need encouragement, remember this: Beware of quitting too soon. Dr. Suess' first children's book was rejected by 23 publishers. The 24th publisher sold 6 million copies.
-Ann Landers

My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
-Oprah Winfrey

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
-Charles Schulz

Earn all you can, give all you can, save all you can.
-John Wesley

Courage is not limited to the battlefield or the Indianapolis 500 or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like remaining faithful when nobody's looking, like enduring pain when the room is empty, like standing alone when you're misunderstood.
-Charles Swindoll

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
-Henry Ward Beecher

Monday, May 10, 2010

Last week was just...... =)

Last week was awesome and hectic!

It was finals week, and I had all of my 5 finals to get through; one Tuesday, one Wednesday, two Thursday, and one Friday. So, needless to say, I was REALLY looking forward to Friday! I swear, all I did all week was sleep, eat, and study! Thursday was an awesome day! I had my lab final early thursday morning, which I completely bombed....oh well. My next final was Marriage and Family and I walk in and hear some girls talking about how in his early class, he told them to just tear up the final and they all got a 100! So...we all just knew he would do that and sure enough he did! I've NEVER had a teacher in high school, or college do that, so it was such a surprise and it really just made my day! Also, right before the "final", I hear these girls talking about military relationships, so of course I listen! I just knew they would bash girls like me in some way, but I was greatly surprised! They said something along the lines of, "I could never date a guy in the military. Those types of relationships seem so hard and it really takes a strong woman to do it." I'm really glad other people realize that it can be hard and that we manage the best we can!

I got home after class, I was just about to start studying for my micro final when I got an email from my advisor at LMU telling me that I got accepted into their BSN program! I started crying. I have been so overwhelmed trying to figure out what I am going to do this summer, if I am going to take classes, where I am going to go next year, and then IF I was even going to get into a nursing program....so that email was just a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! In a way though, it also makes me extremely nervous!! I'm sure this is human nature, but what if I'm not a good nurse. What if I don't know what is wrong with my patient or how to help them. I'm terrified of failing, and for some reason that is all I can think about. I know it is going to be hard, but won't that make it just 100x more rewarding when I do finally get to become an RN. This school is 17 months straight, so hopefully by next Decemeber I will be done. I got a little bumbed thinking about some things though. I know I'm going to be crazy busy and I won't be a flexible as I am now to do things, but I'm just hoping I will be there to see Andrew leave when he deploys and I especially hope I can be there when he gets home! The thought of not being able to kills me, and we kinda talked about it last night, and he said he really wants me there, but I know if I can't come I just can't, and its just going to be a HUGE disappointment for both of us. I know he will understand, but that still won't make it any easier! Ugh....I know, I know...I shouldn't worry about it now! So, I'll try not to.

Moving on, yesterday was Mother's Day! We had a great day! Church was awesome (as always) and then we went out to eat! Mom seemed to like all her presents and then we spent the rest of the night watching movies! All in all, it was a great day and I wouldn't have changed a thing!

Today is my dad's birthday and it is very special. In Febuary he had heart surgery and we didn't know if he was going to make it, and now here we are celebrating his birthday is just awesome! It makes me even that much more thankful for him!! I'm very blessed to have such wonderful parents!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Skype

Seeing his face on skype still makes me melt! Andrew finally got internet in his room so we got to skype tonight and it literally made my night! Being able to see his face and hear his voice at the same time is so nice! I told him that it felt like he was deployed again lol. I'm so thankful he isn't....yet. He is so complementary to me and it just makes me blush! I love him like crazy! 2 weeks until he is here with me for a little bit! I'm ecstatic! This was random and pointless, but I had to share! Good night yall!

<3


I don't want the whole world, the sun, the moon, and all their light. I just want to be the only girl you love all your life- The Band Perry

Friday, April 30, 2010

Dave Barnes

I went to his concert last night and it was awesome! I swear it made me fall even more in love with him. ;) He has so many amazing songs that I can't get out of my head, so I thought I would post some of my favorites!! <3>




“Until You”
I need you now and forever
So stay right here with me
Don't ever leave
Love was kept from me like a secret
And I swore that I was through
Until you, until you




“Home”
But should you ever need me,
You know right where I will be.
You will never be a stranger,
You will never be alone.
Cause wherever we are is home.



“God Gave Me You”
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you




“Crazyboutya”
I’m crazy bout ya, baby, and I just can’t help it
some might call it selfish
I need you by my side
I'm crazy about you baby, and there’s no denying
no use even trying
I need you by my side
I need you by my side
all the girls in the papers and the movies
and the covers of the dirty magazines
They got nothing on your beauty, pretty baby
Cause you’re everything they wish they could be
I’m gonna tell the whole wide world about you
tell them what you really mean to me




“Nothing Fancy”
There's no good reason for the way you love me,
but you're my walking dream come true.
There's no good reason for the way you love me,
But I thank God that you do.




“Loving You, Loving Me”
I’ve been all day waiting for you to come back home
now I appreciate that will never be alone baby
What I say out loud is only whatever is in my head
Tonight id rather look at you instead
And I can’t get enough of you
And every little thing you do















Thursday, April 29, 2010

:D !!!!!

I got to meet Dave Barnes tonight!!! That is all!! =)

p.s. I'm in love

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Annoyances

Okay, this post might come off as mean and stuck up, but that's really not how I intended it to, but its my blog so I can say what I want. So here it is....



Marine girlfriends bugggggggggggg me....even though I am one. I really hope I wasn't like "they" are when I first started dating Andrew. For example, Andrew is in the field this week but no one would ever know that because I haven't complained once about how much I miss talking to him or how I'm so sad that he is in the field. First, that's pathetic. Girls have to get their own lives outside their boyfriends. If it was a deployment I would definitely understand the feelings of sadness, trust me, I've been there...or heck even if they were in the field for a month straight. But come on.....if you're boyfriend is in the field for 4 days and you are SOOOO sad that you haven't gotten to hear his voice at night and you can't sleep because he hasn't called to say good night, you need to grow up. Simple as that. Maybe I am just used to this whole marine corps thing by now since it has been apart of my life for 3 years, but geez. Also, I guess that is why I have more friends that are wives then girlfriends. And, let me make this clear, I am not by any means talking about ALL marine girlfriends. Just certain ones that make me wanna throw up.



Oh, one more thing that I have noticed here lately (and it doesn't even involve me) that really bugs me is the way people brag. I get that you are ecstatic that your boyfriend called, but please please don't copy and paste the same exact status over and over again every single day. Or brag about how your boyfriend is spoiling you with all these phones calls when you know for a fact other girls haven't had that opportunity. I know when Andrew was deployed I would post about how he called, but not EVERY.SINGLE time. I don't even know this girl really, but even she bugs me and my boyfriend isn't even deployed. okay sorry *end rant*




moving on.... I'm in love with this song

"Me Without You" by Love and Theft

Ohh

Like a thundercloud without a chance of rain
Like a stretch of sandy beach without the waves
It's like I'm spinning my wheels
Down a lonely interstate...
Me Without You

It's a picture perfect sky without a view
It's an empty seat at a table for two
It's having all the time in the world
And nothing to do...
Me Without You

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But I don't know how to begin
So I keep holding on
Cause I don't know what else to do
I try to be, but I'm not me
Without you

It's a beautiful song to be sung
But nowhere to sing
It's this beat up old guitar missing a string
It's me calling in the middle of the night
And it just rings
Me without you

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But I don't know how to begin
So I keep holding on
Cause I don't know what else to do
I try to be, but I'm not me
Without you

Baby, tonight I'm gonna light your favorite candles
And open a bottle of my favorite Spanish wine
Gonna listen to the song that we made love to the first time
It's all I can do
It's all I can do...

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But I don't know how to begin
So I keep holding on
Cause I don't know what else to do
I try to be, but I'm not me
Without you


I can try to be, but I'm not me without you.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Today was

good. I feel like I haven't been able to say that in quite sometime but I can today. Nothing spectacular happen, but for some reason it was just good. Church this morning was awesome, but isn't it always? My pastor said something today that he says a lot, but it really caught my attention today. He said, "I hope you don't leave here saying how good the sermon was, I hope you leave here saying how awesome my God is." And that is so true. The sermon is only good because of God and I need to remember that more often. Also, Pastor Sam was talking about a word in the Bible and its herbew meaning. I don't remember what exactly the word was, but it meant something like to love something so much you can feel it in your intestines. Weird, huh? But, my mom scribbles a note a gives it to me and it read: "Now you can tell Andrew you love him with all your intestines." She is a funny one all right. haha But you gotta love her. So, Andrew, if you ever read this....I love you with ALL my intestines! ;)

Also, speaking of Andrew....that boy makes me smile. Last night he was out with some friends and he sends me lyrics to a song that reminded him of me (he has never done that before, so I thought it was uber sweet). I had never heard the song before so I had to google it and try to find it. I finally did, and I of course started crying while listening to it. I know, pathetic, but I'm a cryer. Here it is....

You gotta admit its sweet.

After church and lunch, I worked on some homework, and I feel like that is what I did allllllll day. I'm working on a project for marriage and family, so its not boring homework, it is just time consuming, I just hope the final product is worth it. Also, right while I was watching Army Wives, Andrew calls.....usually I would care that I was missing it, but I honestly didn't tonight. He said something that really warmed my heart though. He was talking about how he has basically two years left of his contract and that WE need to talk about if he is going to re-enlist. It just made me extrememly happy that he is including me in that decision, and what a HUGE decision that is. I told him I honestly didn't care either way, I just want him to be happy. But man, he makes me happy. When we were getting off, he told me he loved me and then goes "thanks for being mine." Why does he have to be soooooo far away to where I can't kiss him. ha

I know this post tonight was mostly about Andrew and love...but oh well =)




-Philippians 1:3 "I thank my God every time I remember you"

Saturday, April 24, 2010

L.O.V.E.

I got this idea from Lauren's blog (hope it is okay that I stole the idea) and since I am such a huge sucker for love of any kind, I wanted to find some love pictues and quotes so here goesssss =)




Just to see you smile I'd do anything that you wanted me to, when all is said and done I'd never count the cost, it's worth all that's lost, just to see you smile.




Do you realize what you are to me? What you're always going to be? You are the love of my life... everyone else will always be second best. There will never be another you.




Without you tomorrow wouldn’t be worth the wait and yesterday wouldn’t be worth remembering



One boy, one girl, two hearts beating wildly. To put it mildly it was love at first sight. He smiled, she smiled, and they knew right away, this was the day they had waited for all their lives. For a moment the whole world revolved around one boy and one girl




Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.




You know when I realized I loved him? It was when I realized that anything that ever happened, good or bad, I wanted to tell him about. He was the first person I wanted to know, and I couldn't wait to tell him, and talk to him, and listen to him and it's like I love learning new things every time I talk to him.





He really does make everything okay





It was no accident, me finding you. Someone had a hand in it long before we ever knew. Now I just can't believe you're in my life. Heaven's smiling down on me as I look at you tonight. I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars. He sure knew what he was doin' when he joined these two hearts. I hold everything when I hold you in my arms. I've got all I'll ever need thanks to the keeper of the stars.




And its that feeling I get every time his face comes into view. The way my body tingles as he touches my skin. It's the way he loves me, it's how he loves me. Its just him, anyone else but him would be completely wrong. He is my little piece of heaven, my place in the stars.




Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.



The world is going to throw us a million reasons why this isn't gonna work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will - I love you.




It was just you and me. Two friends. And then with a simple look, my hand fell into yours.



Find someone who makes you smile, and never, ever give up on them.






I have found the one whom my soul loves. - Song of Solomon 3:4






Attitude

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one strong we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of Attitudes.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Slow Down

This song describes how I've been feeling a lot lately

Life I need to talk to you
Can you spare a minute just tell me what to do
I’m trying to climb this hill
I can feel you pass me by like I’m standing still
The things I gotta do I’m feeling you leaving me behind
And I know I don’t wanna go down this road alone and I’m running out of time
So slow down you’re losing me
And I can’t see what you want me to be
So slow down cause all I know is that I can’t go as fast as you’ve got me spinning round
I’m barely hanging on, slow down
Life the moments pass me by
Memories that I can’t keep as hard as I may try
Life you’re so beautiful I wish it wasn’t so but I can only stay until
You say I gotta go God only knows when that’s gonna be
With all my might I’m trying to keep up with you
Now you’re running away from me

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ummmm

Do you ever have something bothering you but you can't place a finger on whatever it is? That is how I am right now. I feel like something is weighing on my heart but I have no idea what it is. I feel like I go through this phases about once a month or so (and no its not during that time of the month either lol) and I just wish it would stop. I have a good life, I'm happy so why am I kinda blah? Maybe it has something to do with finals coming up and just being stressed and then on top of all that, not really knowing what I am going to be doing next year or what my future really holds for me. Its just a stressful time in my life and I feel like I take it out on Andrew a lot. I know that is the worst thing I can do, but I feel like he should have the words that I need to hear or just know what I need, but he isn't God...I can't expect him to know how to make everything better so why do I do it? I also feel like I take things wayyyyy out of proportion and I feel like the world should revole around me and sometimes I just want to smack myself and be like "STOP". I know that is such a 5 year old thing to feel like and I'm definitely wanting to change that about myself. I guess sometimes it is human nature to feel this way, but it annoys me. If Andrew doesn't text me for a few hours.....so be it...he still cares. If my best friend has other best friends....so be it....she still cares! I don't have to be the center of attention all the time. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess to just get it out. I feel like the way I think is what makes me unhappy a lot of the time. And I HATE it. I want to be more of a positive person and I'm definitely going to start trying. I want to be honestly happy for people and not fake it, I want to actually laugh everyday....I need to start relying on God for my happiness and not people. I truly believe that will make the biggest difference in my life. So here is to trying.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I wish I knew what my future holds....

It is kinda starting to get frustrating! I have been planning on going to South College next year and taking the classes there that I need and re-taking some science classes just so I can make better grades. Well a HUGE praise was answered for me when I got home on Saturday night. I had sent in my transcripts to Lincoln Memorial University and I really didn't know when I would hear from them or what I was supposed to do next, so I was just waiting. Well, I got a letter in the mail telling me I was accepted at LMU and that they were giving me a $5,500 scholarship.........how amazing is that???? Gah, that is going to be such a blessing for me if everything works out. So, I will probably be going there next year but again, I don't know what I will be doing. I emailed my advisor today and she asked me to let her know what classes I am taking right now. I looked at the pre-regs for Nursing school and I'm pretty sure I have taken all of them, so my wish right now is that those grades are good enough that I can just start nursing school with LMU in the fall. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that God places me somewhere He wants me to be. It is hard waiting though!

Moving on, yesterday my niece turned 2. I can't believe she is already 2, I feel so old! She had a great time but got really tired and overwhelmed right when she started opening her presents. It was kinda funny and the only way we could keep her from crying was giving her more of her presents! She got some cute clothes and her birthday cake was yummy!! So, Happy Birthday Izzy Bug!! I love you!!



Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hope Now

My new favorite song

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free (Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free (You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Very interesting

Today in my marriage and family class, my teacher was talking about how important communication skills are in relationships. Everything he said was so helpful and I know I definitely need to apply these when Andrew and I get into a fight. I found them so helpful/interesting I thought I would share them....so here goes! Hope it helps some of ya'll too. =)

Destructive and Constructive ways when it comes to communication:

Destructive (aka don't do these):
  • Name calling- this one might seem pretty obvious, but no matter if you were mad at your SO or what, you should never name call, because even if you apologize and your SO says they forgive you, still, they will probably always remember it.
  • Drifting - If your SO brings up a situation they want to change, and then you change the subject, that is a result of anxiety. Always try to work things out in the moment, don't keep putting it off
  • Kitchen sinking- not really sure why it is called this, but don't bring things up from the past. It only causes more fights, especially if you all have already talked about it and "overcome" it
  • Diagnosis - Don't say to your SO "you know what your problem is".....ummm if Andrew ever said that to me, I would probably smack him, so steer clear of diagnosing someone else's problems....just talk about them. Don't judge.
  • De-valuing- My teacher's example of this was "Say you went to a party with your boyfriend and his friend said something to you that hurt your feelings and you later told your boyfriend about it and his response was "oh that is just the way he is" or "he didn't mean it". De-valuing the way your partner feels only hurts their feelings more and makes them think that you care more about your friend then their own feelings.
  • Threatening- NEVER do this. It sets commands on a relationship or it can be emotional black mailing. This is saying something like "if you don't lose weight, we are done" or even going so far to say "if you break up with me, I will kill myself" Threats like this, whether they are serious or not, are just BADDDD
  • Mind-reading - Never tell your SO that you already know what they are going to say, because you don't and it just seems to devalue their own thoughts

Constructive:

  • Validation - tell them you understand their feelings and that you are there for them. Sometimes listening isn't all a person needs
  • "I" statements - Instead of saying "You spend too much time with your friends and never with me" say "I miss our time together." The first one accuses them and the second one paraphrasing what you are saying in a more sensitive way and will probably get your point across more efficiently.
  • Leveling- put all your cards on the table, don't hold anything back. If you don't, it will only come back to bite you in the butt later.
  • Editing - Monitor your emotions when you are in a fight. Don't let them influence how you act.....

Hope these were kind of helpful and eye-opening. I know they helped me realize something!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Ugh Monday

So since this is my blog, I am allowed to complain as much as I want, right? Ok....well here goes

Today has just been.....blah. Not good at all, and it doesn't look like it is going to be getting any better.

Well, last night I decided to wear my retainer (I know, who really cares right?) because I need to get my bottom teeth straight again. Well, I knew my teeth would be sore today, but I had no idea I would wake up in the middle of the night because my teeth hurt so bad. So I took it out and tried to fall back asleep. I know I'm gonna have to keep wearing it,but danggg it hurt.

Then when my alarm went off this morning, I woke up and my throat hurt to the touch. Sooo freaking weird. This has never happened to me before. I don't have a sore throat, no cough, nothing...just touching my hand where my glands in my throat are hurt so bad. And they also feel swollen. Great....just peachy. Andrew was sick this weekend but there was NO way I wasn't kissing him so I took my chances, but man that bit me in the butt. I swear, every time Andrew is sick or he leaves, I get sick, and it is usually 10x worse then whatever he had.

Well, then while I'm leaving, I lock my bedroom door and completely forgot that my apartment keys are hanging on the back of the door. Too late now. I couldn't even lock our front door this morning. That made me feel just great, and then I felt bad so I locked my roommate's door just to be safe. So now, after I get off of work, I'm gonna have to go to the office at my apartment and see if someone can walk me up to my apartment and let me in. They better not give me any grief about it since it was a mistake.

After the whole key incident, I make it to school barely on time. School wasn't to bad, expect everything in micro is going over my head and we have a test in 1 week.

When I was leaving, I noticed this girl's shoes and it made me sooo mad. Ok, let me explain on this one. For my birthday, my parents ordered me these awesome Nike shocks. Repeat...AWESOME! The only problem is they were a little snug, so I took them back to the store and asked them if I could return them and have them send me a size 10. "Sure no problem, they should be here in 3-5 business days." Well, great, off I go. In 3-5 business days, I finally get my shoes, open the box and they are the wrong flipping color. My shoes were black and pink, these were purple and white? Ummmm.....so off I go back to the store and tell them these aren't my shoes and I would like the correct ones. "Sure, no problem". So I wait for my correct shoes to come in and I get a call from my dad. The store had called him and said, "The shoes I wanted are now out of stock ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY so I could go to the store and get my money back or she could send him the money." Are you flipping kidding me? It is not my fault you sent me the wrong color and now the shoes I want are not available. Maybe if you had sent me the right color the first time, we wouldn't have had this problem. Sooo.....back to today, I saw a girl with "my" shoes on and I wanted to snatch them off her feet and run....but I didn't. lol

Now, I'm at work and my throat/glands are still killing me. I have a doctor's appt on Wednesday if nothing changes. My head is starting to pound too and I'm freezing (which makes me think I have a temperature.) I can't even concentrate on my homework because I feel so bad.

So here is to me hoping the next 8 hour and 15ish minutes of this day get better!! Sorry I know this post was completely annoying and full of complaining, but I feel much better now and I didn't have to go off on anyone....so mission accomplished.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

emptyyy

Andrew is gone...again. Am I ever going to get used to this?? I always think I'm gonna take the goodbye part well (and I usually do) but then when Andew finally is gone, that is when it hits me and it hurts the most. I swear, it feels like the being apart thing is never ever going to end....and I honestly don't see it ending anytime soon. That is the sucky part!! I wish I could see him everyday and actually know what he is doing and going through instead of just hearing about it over the phone. I don't even know is this makes sense, but moving onnnn

The past couple of days were pretty awesome. Thursday my 2nd class got canceled so I spend the rest of the day at the pool with Brinley. I TOTALLY missed this one spot on my chest and I got burned bad, but oh well! Atleast it is warm enough to even get a sun tan. I had dinner with Andrew's mom that night and it was really nice being able to catch up with her. Friday I went to lunch and the mall with Allison. I got some really great deals. Then I cleaned and waiting for Mr.Andrew to get home. He finally did around 10:30 and just being in his arms again felt.....right. It had only been about 2 weeks since I saw him, but it really did feel like it had been forever. I needed to see him....and thankfully I got to. I bought us this world map so we could put pins on every place we had been. He, of course, had about 4x as many as I had, but oh well. I hope one day we can put pins in places that we go together. Saturday, I went to my house so I could see my Izzy. I am so freaking in love with her. She has started asking for me and calling my name and I love it every single time. She is a doll. We hunted for easter eggs and took some pictures! Later on, I went over to Andrew's house and we ate dinner and watched New Moon...finally!!!

And, of course, today is Easter. I got to wear my pretty Easter dress today. Church was awesome as usual!! Then I went over to Andrew's house for lunch. It was yummy. I ate WAYYY to much ice cream....way to much. I took a nap while he packed and then he had to leave...again. I guess back to my normal routine now.....joyyyy

But, I'm NOT going to let my stupid, emotional feelings ruin Easter!!

Matthew 28:1-10
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and
the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an
angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the
stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were
white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like
dead men.
The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that
you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just
as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his
disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.
There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
So the women hurried away
from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.
Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his
feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell
my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Have I mentioned I love music??

So glad she sang this on American Idol tonight

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy...

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When I look At You I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars Hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I Know I'm Not Alone.

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like Kaleidoscope colors that
Cover Me, All I need every
Breath that I breathe don't you know
You're beautiful...

Yea Yea Yea

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

I look at you
Yea Yea Oh OH OH
And you appear
Just like a dreamTo me.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

......

One major bad quality that I have is that I'm insecure. Yes, I said it. I really wish I could change that about myself, but I honestly don't know how to. I working on it though.......

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Words of Advice

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

1. Pray
2.. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?'(Romans 8:31)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Home Again, Home Again

Leaving Jacksonville yesterday was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I was only there for 9 days, but it felt like I had been there forever. I enjoyed being 10 minutes from Andrew at any given point in the day (that never happens for us on a usual basis) and getting to eat dinner with him every night. It was just.....wonderful.

Andrew has developed a really funny sense of humor over the last three years that I have known him. He had me cracking up so many times. I had to right down all the things that we thought were funny just so I wouldn't forget them! Also, he is now a squad leader which is great, but it is A LOT more responsibility then he has ever had before. He has also started to develop this more serious side of him, which I sometimes hate. I love when he is happy and not stressed or worried all the time. A couple of days were a little rocky. He was trying to adjust to everything new being thrown at him, while here I am just wanting to spend every second I could with him....and it was hard on both of us. Who ever said love takes work was right! We finally talked about some stuff and everything is so much better. He actually started laughing again. Just hearing that sound makes me smile, because I love when he is happy! His happiness makes me happy! Andrew also told me when he is set to deploy again.....UGH. I can't say that I'm surprised but I really don't wanna go through this again. I'm gonna deal with it, but I'm allowed to pout a little now, right?

Anyways, that was a little about my week. I had a great time overall. I got to meet some girls who I already felt like I knew (and a couple of their dogs) so I wasn't bored sitting in my hotel room all week. I really love Jacksonville. I know it can be boring and there isn't a whole lot to do, but you make it what it is, and if Andrew is there and a lot of girls who I absolutely adore are there, I'm pretty sure I could make it a great place to live!

Monday, March 8, 2010

I'm loving it here

Even though people say there isn't much to do here in Jacksonville, I still am liking it so far!! Andrew showed me around base yesterday and holy moly it is HUGE!!!!!! We were making a joke that it is probably as big as Knoxville. It might not be that big, but man, it is huge! He took me to the MCX and I of course had to buy some MC t-shirts and I got myself a flag so I can put in my room! I promise, I'm not overly moto! I got to see colors being doing (if that is how you even say that phrase) and I got a base pass for the rest of the week so I can get on base if I need too! I really like it here and I know this week is gonna fly by!!!

I'm going to the beach today with Becky and I'm so excited!!! Then tomorrow I'm doing lunch with some ladies! Then hopefully Christa will have her baby so I can see her!!!!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

another song...I can't seem to turn my music off

This song has me in tears tonight........as it usually does



10 Hours

There's ten hours between us tonight
And I feel like my heart will break
Cause it's been way too long
Since I've last seen your face
What I'd give if you were here with me now
And I was lost in your touch
If I know my heart
There's nothing I've ever wanted so much

But to love you
Just to love you
It's all I wanna do

There's ten hours between us tonight
And I feel like I could die
But all the pain would just
Go away if I could look in your eyes

And love you
Just love you
It's all I wanna do
Cause I know you're the one
That I've been praying for
I could love you for a thousand years
And wish for a thousand more

There's ten hours between us tonight
But tonight can only last so long
By twelve o'clock tomorrow baby
You'll be here in my arms

And I'll hold you close to my heart
And I pray you feel my love
Until that day when time or space
Will never again separate us

And I'll love you
Oh, I'll love you
It's all I'll ever do
Cause I know you're the one
It just feels so right
Would it be ok with you
If I loved you for the rest of my life
 

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