tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4885606455089940152024-02-19T21:36:28.036-05:00And the story continues....KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-61470334251752831302014-01-03T17:29:00.002-05:002014-01-03T18:22:58.861-05:002014It has been awhile since I have posted. A lot has happened, not only in my life but in my family's. I started a new job at the hospital, starting selling jewelry as a part time job, and I have a new nephew. Life is exciting. But there is still a void. I miss my dad. <br>
<br>This was my 2nd holiday season without him. I've gotten to the point where I can tell people about him and how he passed away and not cry, but I find myself crying more and more when I'm alone. Things will never be the same. I miss the times when I was still living at home. I would wake up on Christmas morning so excited. I would go into my parent's room. My dad would still be in bed, but he would be awake. He would get up and we would go wake my brother up. We would yell downstairs to my mom that we were coming. I remember running downstairs so full of joy and excitement to see what Santa brought me. I always loved watching my parents open their gifts. Memories that I will always keep with me. I remember no matter if I was home on New Years Eve or not, my dad would always be up until midnight to wish me a happy new year. It's funny, the longer time goes on, the more the memories come back to me. <br>
<br>The changing of the year was hard. I feel like it just takes me further and further away from him and how nothing will ever be the same. It's crazy how you don't think of things until it happens to you. I had a friend whose dad past away when I was a freshman in college. I remember thinking I can't imagine my dad not being here. I never thought about what her mom was going through though. I never thought about how lonely the night could be when you're alone, or having to deal with the bills or car issues by herself. That is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. I hate the thought of my mom being lonely. It kills me. I can't sleep when my husband has to work all night, but having to do that every single night for the rest of my life...I can't imagine. My mom is the strongest woman I know. She still hasn't had a dream about dad yet. Is it silly to pray for a dream?<br>
<br>Christmas eve night, I had a dream about dad. Andrew and I were driving down a street in my neighborhood and we drove by my dad walking up the street. I gasped. Made Andrew stop the car and I got out. I remember walking up to him and him saying, "Yes, its real. I'm here" and I just hugged him so tight in awe that my dad was really back and I was touching him again.<br>
<br>I have been thinking back a lot on the last morning I spoke with my dad. It was the morning of his surgery. I can still remember what he was wearing as he walked into the hospital. I remember we went back with him to the pre-op room. He changed into his gown and was laying in his bed. He kept saying how dry his mouth was. So I got him some water to swish around in his mouth and spit out. I remember telling him I loved him and that he was the best dad in the whole world. I hugged him goodbye and he said he loved me. I watched them wheel him away. My mom kissed him and told him "God will take care of you". That was the last time I saw my father. I wish I would have said something else. I sometimes wish I would have known that was the last time I would speak with him, but then I know I wouldn't have let them take him back.<br>
<br>My world forever changed that day, and has been different ever sense. I got a tattoo of my dad's handwriting from a letter he wrote to me on my 16th birthday. I honestly believe if he wrote me a goodbye letter, it would have said the exact same thing. Forever a reminder of him under my heart. I have a new nephew. He has been such a bright light to me. I know my dad would love him so much. His first grandson. Kason makes me want kids. It is hard to think though that my dad will never meet my children. I'll never have pictures of him holding them. Or get to tell him that I'm pregnant and if its a boy, he will share your middle name. I never got to meet my dad's dad, so I really don't know what I'm missing there. I hate that my kid's won't know him.<br>
<br>Andrew and I will celebrate 2 years this coming May, and 7 years together this coming March. It is crazy how time flies. I still don't see how he puts up with me most days. He is God sent, and I'm so blessed.<br>
<br>I'm hoping 2014 will be a good year. 2013 was, and I'm thankful for that. I pray that God will take care of my family and help us step by step. I know my dad is watching over us but I know he wouldn't want to come back. Heaven is so much better then Earth. <br>
Miss you, dad. See you soon!
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-uGDcP2vcw68lhyphenhyphenzRquxOpW_wkSDfMkgP59gmpg82bOcaY4JKNH-ozYEe1MJeQYkCX2-cb717MOMlxQ4tPd8N4uVDHL2cHJCHUHBdpJZ2puLF8OgbO73vKy6GJoepK4iJLxK5-2HvlZw/s1600/fam+christmas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-uGDcP2vcw68lhyphenhyphenzRquxOpW_wkSDfMkgP59gmpg82bOcaY4JKNH-ozYEe1MJeQYkCX2-cb717MOMlxQ4tPd8N4uVDHL2cHJCHUHBdpJZ2puLF8OgbO73vKy6GJoepK4iJLxK5-2HvlZw/s320/fam+christmas.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-AUjpVxJX1qAIsFeZdLOreUqKT73D3iiZOCX0cgGc2NftKhPCtO0tXpByG0sthPU-LYunfarn35xVl82ogykxvXWje9mX1twGIG9r_14nRr56W_S5vHIxpHHyrHKnYFh1bv7tRGIEpCQ/s1600/tattoo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-AUjpVxJX1qAIsFeZdLOreUqKT73D3iiZOCX0cgGc2NftKhPCtO0tXpByG0sthPU-LYunfarn35xVl82ogykxvXWje9mX1twGIG9r_14nRr56W_S5vHIxpHHyrHKnYFh1bv7tRGIEpCQ/s320/tattoo.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_uT36Eh6terPhmm1PS4inw5gHsVNKeemlVp58brovR8B0klLix-WYe8-5xA5sRz7nzdFytD7-T2hGwx-4tD0YIe4RvIiPSGmdTZZKXgfdrYQrozXhAnPyMA7dMofZlG89y9u6WY57bRc/s1600/kase.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_uT36Eh6terPhmm1PS4inw5gHsVNKeemlVp58brovR8B0klLix-WYe8-5xA5sRz7nzdFytD7-T2hGwx-4tD0YIe4RvIiPSGmdTZZKXgfdrYQrozXhAnPyMA7dMofZlG89y9u6WY57bRc/s320/kase.jpg" /></a></div>KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-81432692412128572622013-08-05T22:29:00.004-04:002013-08-05T22:29:54.781-04:00My Izzy
I know I need to write more. Time just passes so fast, but I don't want to forget what happens in my life. I want to be able to read back and remember small details of my life.
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This blog post will be about my niece. One of my favorite people in the whole world. This girl has been through so much in the short 5 years of her life (whether she knows it or not), and I'm so glad she is back in our lives now. I haven't talked much about what is going on but my brother is currently fighting for custody of Izzy. He goes back to court next month, and I'm praying he gets 50/50....if not more. For now, we get Izzy every other weekend, and then on the off weeks, every Thursday. Of course, all those days, I work. It has been hard seeing her as much as I would like. I miss spending time with her and it sucks I only see her an hour a night (if that) while she is with us.
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Well, last night, I decided to invite her to spend the night with me. She was so excited. Mom told me she talked about it all day and couldn't wait until I got off work. When we got home, she showed me some dance moves. Let me tell you, these moves were funny. She kept saying "You probably can't do these moves, but watch" and she would jump and spin and jump and spin. After I finally convinced her to stop dancing, she got in the bathtub. She was slightly obsessed with the jets in the tub. Keep turning them on and off and asking why mamaw's tub doesn't have jets. I was in my bathing suit so I wouldn't get my clothes wet while she was in the bath and afterwards I was trying to change under my towel and Izzy said "If your towel falls, I won't laugh". This girl, I swear, has the biggest, my kindest heart. I love listening to her talk even if its about nothing. This morning she woke up and kept saying "KB I had such a good time". She even told me I needed to buy her toys for my house if she was going to be staying here more. haha
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Izzy has my heart. I love her like she is my own. I never want to see her hurt or scared or sad. I only want to see her smile and laugh. There is a song from Ben Rector and it goes like this....this song is for Izzy... (just changes the words to make it about a little girl)
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"I am young but you are younger so you speak more words then mumble.
You have to lend an ear to everything I say.
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So be kind and love your mother and your father, though sometimes they seem to bother, come my age, and you'll know
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There the ones who'll always love you and support you, they prayed for you before you stepped foot into this world.
That's one thing that I've learned.
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I remember you were walking, in a month I'll hear you talking.
There's a million things I'd love to say to you.
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Though your parents, they are wiser and will be better advisers, maybe hearing these things twice will get them through.
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Go and find a girl for whom your love is selfless, someone who makes you helpless, to change the way you feel.
But stay away from girls who always look so pretty, who's hearts just aren't fitting for the man in you I see.
Would you remember that for me?
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Would you remember that for me? Oh..
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Would you remember all these things?
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When you find yourself alone in times of trouble, reach inside you and above you, there's nothing
He can't heal.
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And if it is you do not end up with a brother, just call your older uncle, I can always lend an ear.
Would you remember that for me?
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Would you remember that for me? Oh..."
KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-70697209280602532572013-02-10T20:50:00.002-05:002013-02-11T22:05:22.640-05:00Missing HimI'm not sure why, but my dad has been on my heart and mind a lot this last week. I wish I could even put into words how much my heart misses him. I see pictures of him and I can just hear his voice or picture the way he would walk. I can still feel how it would feel to hug him. I miss being able to talk to him. Get advice. I even miss hearing him be mad. I saw a quote yesterday that said "What you take for granted other people are praying for". That is so true. Before my dad got sick, I'm sure I took him for granted. I think back to this time last year. We just found out that he was sick. Before January, he was perfectly fine. I never once thought my dad would be gone in less than a year. I never thought my dad wouldn't be around to meet my children. I never thought he wouldn't be around to see me turn 24 years old. In some ways, I wish I would have known. I wish I would have known so I could have given him a longer hug, just sat with him and watched tv longer, taken car rides with him, listen to him complain about how bad UT football is and not tell him to be quiet. I wish I could have told him I loved him more. I wish I could have kissed him more. There are so many "wishes" that I have....but I know deep down in my heart, he knew. He knew how much I loved and admired him. He was my hero, my biggest fan, and the person that wanted nothing but the best for me.
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My birthday was just a few weeks ago. It was hard not having my dad there. It was hard not getting those flowers from him since he promised he would never let a birthday go by without sending me flowers. It was hard not getting that "Happy Birthday sweetie" text first thing in the morning. My mom and husband tried their hardest to make my day good, and it was, but there was still someone missing....and the suckest part is that there always will be. Every birthday, every holiday, every happy occasion, there will be someone missing. In my heart, I know he is watching, but its not the same. It's not the same not getting that hug and forehead kiss or that "Good Job"....it's just not the same.
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The thing that is really tugging at my heart a lot lately is how he won't meet my kids. I'm not sure how many people watch "Long Island Medium", but I do and I love that show. Many times on that show, she has talked with people who have lost their parents and she says their parents held their children before they came to Earth. I LOVE that. I hope in some way that is true. That God would let my dad be there when he makes my children so my dad can see them and meet them. I'm still never going to get that picture of him holding my kids or hear him say "Welcome to Parenthood" like he told my sister. I'm never going to hear him call them "pumpkin" or be able to watch him interact with him. It's not fair. Life isn't, I know that, but man....it sucks is the only way I know how to describe it.
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The loss of my father has taught me one thing, don't take things for granted. Don't keep people in your life who no longer bring you joy, and treat those you love right. I know my dad would be proud of me. I just wish I could see him again. I love these dreams, but they are such a tease. I love you, dad. I think about you every day.
This is one of my favorite picture of my daddy and I.
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqJv18AqklBYnhrZRHDwww-5DAYingmF8YoYu8QT8dM6sT4MBsi0mEjIBXEiQ6I4y_y1D-KsuhXQ37TQyslQsJcyxNFii81WMjZYKOo_aEZekUFVeb6-dCGey66ku8lS4F8duksZm22g/s1600/dad+and+me.png" imageanchor="1" style=""><img border="0" height="400" width="387" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqJv18AqklBYnhrZRHDwww-5DAYingmF8YoYu8QT8dM6sT4MBsi0mEjIBXEiQ6I4y_y1D-KsuhXQ37TQyslQsJcyxNFii81WMjZYKOo_aEZekUFVeb6-dCGey66ku8lS4F8duksZm22g/s400/dad+and+me.png" /></a>
KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-20542807080863875422013-01-02T21:28:00.001-05:002013-01-02T21:28:27.885-05:00"Happy" New Year2013......
I always look forward to the New Year. I guess in some ways, I did this year too. But, it also brought some sadness. 2012 was a major rollercoaster for me. I had the best and worst days<strike></strike> of my life all within 4 months of each other. In some ways, I didn't want 2012 to end. The end of the year took me farther away from the last day I saw my dad or heard his voice. I now can't say "he passed away in September", now it is "he passed away last year". Christmas was hard without him. I'm so blessed to have a husband who didn't even put up a fight when I said I wanted to spend the night at my mom's house and have Christmas morning there. Christmas morning is a big deal in my house and I couldn't imagine being anywhere exact with my mom. Christmas morning was honestly as good as it could be. Andrew bought all of us something to do with remembering my dad (which of course made me cry) and my mom got my dad's old business cards laminated for us. I now carry it in my wallet wherever I go. That night, we went to Andrew's house. It's nice having another family now.
I found myself being extremely homesick lately, which hasn't happened since I first moved out. I just want to be with my mom and spend as much time with her as I can. I like being "home" even if no one is there. Memories have been popping into my head recently of my dad that I haven't thought about in a long time. Some nights are harder then others. I think when I'm by myself I have more time to think, which always leads to tears nowadays. I keep wondering what I would have gotten my dad for Christmas this year or what funny thing he would have said. This year will also be my first birthday without him. I miss his present and his advice. I just miss knowing that he was there....
2013 I'm hopeful will be better than 2012. I just wish it was going to be a littler different 2013KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-26800762576119337342012-11-01T20:59:00.000-04:002012-11-01T20:59:51.567-04:00dreamsI saw my dad last night. I love dreams like that. I feel happy every time I wake up. In my dream, I knew he wasn't living so I was so confused when he walked up to me. I was so happy though. I wish I could have dreams about him every night.
I miss everyday. I seriously cry on the way home from work every night. I don't know what it is about that drive. I guess it just gives me time to think. Think about him, how much I miss his advice and wisdom, how much I miss talking to him, and seeing him. I took my car into get the oil changed on Monday and they called and asked if I wanted to get the 90,000 mile check up. It was $400. I instantly thought "I need to call dad and see what he thinks I should do." That my first official break down. I didn't know what to do. He had all the answers like that.
My dad's franchise did a memorial in their monthly news magazine. It's awesome seeing what everyone says about my dad. How he told his doctor to do whatever he had to do to keep him alive so he could walk me down the aisle. I think my dad in some ways knew he wasn't going to make it. God really works in mysterious ways. He knew all along what was going to happen to my dad. That is why he had Andrew propose when he did, he knew we would think Andrew would be deploying in June so we would get married before then, then have Andrew not deploy and get out of the MC so he could be home with me through all this. Andrew helped me so much during that time, and still is. I haven't found a way to thank him yet. I'm not sure how I would have reacted is roles were reversed, but he just held me while I cried and would listen to me whenever I needed to talk. I don't think he knows really how much I do cry still. I try not to let anyone see that. Songs can set me off, pictures, seeing my mom's front porch lights on last night set me off.
About a week ago, I was at my parent's house in my old bedroom. I found a card from my dad. I opened it up and it was one of those record-able kinds. Hearing his voice instantly brought tears to my eyes. Now I will always have that, his voice right in my hands.
The song "One more day" by Diamond Rio really has hit home.
I wish I could spend one more day with him, but I know it would only leave me wishing for more.....KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-28332815511492361112012-10-12T20:41:00.000-04:002012-10-12T20:41:49.271-04:00Does it get easier?A few days ago was the one month mark of my dad's passing. It still doesn't seem real. I can picture the way he looks so vividly and my heart just aches. I find myself calling my parent's house when I know no one is home just so I can hear his voice on the voice mail. I find myself searching for pictures of him just to see his face again. I'm not sure it will ever get easier.
I'm not sure if people know exactly what surgery my dad had. Two years ago, he had a anursym removed and pig valve placed and he also had his tricuspid valve replaced. That surgery went great. He was off the breathing machine the next day and was home in about 2 weeks. He started cardiac rehab and within months was working out again and feeling better then he ever had. This past January, (the day I found my wedding dress to be exact) he started having really bad chest pains. My mom and I were at the bridal store when my brother called and said he was taking dad to the ER. They did blood work to check his cardiac enzymes, nothing wrong. They gave him pain medicine and sent him home. At the end of January, he was sick to his stomach and throwing up constantly. I had my NCLEX test that morning and came home to him sick. After 20 more mins of him being sick, I drove him to the ER. They tried to find out what was wrong, did scans, checked his gallbladder. Nothing was wrong! It's one of those times you just wish they would find something wrong so we could get it fixed. But nothing. After this, my dad made an appointment with his cardiologist. In February, my dad was placed in the hospital and they did a CT scan to find out what was wrong. When the Dr. walked in to tell us the results of the CT scan my heart was pounding. He said there was a tear in my dad's descending aorta that went all the way down to his kidneys. I know he explained it more but I couldn't pay attention anymore. I was scared. What do you think when someone tells you the your dad has a tear in his heart. The doctor said they would wait to do surgery because the tear needed to scar over some so it wouldn't bust during surgery. My dad's one request was to wait until after my wedding. I keep thinking what if he can't make it, what if my dad never gets to walk me down the isle. What if I lose my dad. After the dr left, my dad called me over to him and just hugged me and we both cried. We were both scared as was the whole family. From February to September, my dad was placed on multiple blood pressure medications to make sure his blood pressure stayed low. All that medicine made him very sleepy.
May 12, 2012 was the day of my wedding. My dad made it to my wedding. Looking back at the pictures, you can see how sick my dad looked, but I could see how happy he was too. He was happy to be there even though I know how sad he was that he was "losing his little girl". He cried when I gave him his present. He held my hand tightly during prayer, he cried (as did I) during our father/daughter dance. That dance will always hold a special place in my heart. That day, other then the obvious reason, will always hold a special place in my heart.
Over the next few months, my dad went to multiple dr's appts. His surgery was finally scheduled for Sept 4. The day before, we all went over the my parents house. Looking back, I wish I had gone over earlier just to spend some time with him. My sister was in town so we had dinner and just sat around talking. I remember after dinner, leaning up against my dad's arm, I said "Are you nervous" and he said, "Wouldn't you be?". :/
The next morning, we all got to the hospital at 530am. I remember seeing him get out of the car, I remember seeing him walk. Telling him goodbye right before he went off to pre-op was heart breaking. My told him I loved him and that he was the best dad ever. That was the last time I would ever speak with my dad. He made it through surgery fine (or so we thought). I came back to see him the next morning before work expecting to see him off the breathing machine, and he wasn't. I instantly felt like something wasn't right. The night nurse told me he had started having seizures that night which wasn't normal. Thankfully my boss let me have as many days off as I needed. My family and I spent all day at the hospital, every day getting worse news. He had a stroke, the back of his brain had the most damage. If he did wake up, he would not be able to walk or probably speak. After speaking with the doctors and talking at home as a family, we decide that we didn't want to keep dad like this and he even decided himself months earlier he didn't want this life. We took him off life support on Sept 9 and while I was holding his hand he slipped into the arms of God. That day seems like a blur.
Life is still very hard. I find myself wanting to talk to him so badly.I want to see his face, hear him laugh. God did bless me with a dream where my dad told me he was okay and I needed to keep living my life. My heart drops every morning when I think about not being able to see him. It sucks so bad knowing my children won't ever know their grandfather. Work seems to help, it keeps me busy. I still cry every day. I miss my dad more than I can even start to explain. I would give just about anything to see him again. You know that question that goes "Who is the one person dead or alive that you would have dinner with?"....my answer will always be my dad. I have a peace knowing that I will see him again. I find myself longing for that day. The day were we will praise Jesus again in Heaven. I hope he still knows how much I love him and how much I miss him. My life will never be the same. I still will smile, laugh, and love but that one piece of my heart that was my dad's will always be broken.I know I am very blessed to have had a dad like him, very blessed, I just wish I didn't have to lose him at 23.
People say that the one thing they remember my dad saying before his surgery was "It's a win-win situation, either I make it through and be with my family again or I get to be with Jesus." Selfish me wishes he made it through the surgery with no brain damage and would be happy and healthy here with me. I know God has a reason for this, I know in my heart He does. But I don't know what that reason is. I found a letter my dad wrote to me on my 16th birthday. I plan to get it framed and hang it in my house. The whole letter is what I think he would say if he wrote a goodbye letter. I'm so glad I kept it. My dad ends the letter saying, "I was the first man in your life, but I know I won't be the last but I hope you always remember me as the one who wanted nothing but the best for you. I'll always be here for you, Love Dad."
I miss you and love you, daddy!
05/10/1948-09/09/2012KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-28906969252420487252011-05-02T12:10:00.002-04:002011-05-02T12:19:30.046-04:00Happy/NervousI'm not really sure how to feel. Last night when I found out the news about Osama, I ran downstairs and shared the news with my dad. We both couldn't believe, so we turned on Fox News. Sure enough, "Osama Bin Laden is dead" was at the bottom of the screen. It a way, it was wonderful to see. After all this time, we finally got him. We got the man that killed our own people. After 10 years, we killed him. I know all the troops are freaking ecstatic right now. I'm so proud of our troops, I can't even explain it.<br /><br />In another sense, I'm nervous...and scared. I scared about what it is going to be like in Afghanistan now. I was Andrew was coming home sooner then July. I'm nervous that the Taliban is going to get even more pissed off and come at us with full force. Not to mention, the Taliban even announced yesterday that they were officially starting their Spring Offensive. I want Andrew to stay safe, but I feel helpless. I know he and his whole unit are good Marines. They have been trained by the best and they are the best, but I still can't help thinking "What is going to happen now." I keep praying for the troops safety every time it crosses my mind. This war is a long way from over, and they need as many prayers as they can get. God please protect them, keep them strong and alert. If it is Your Will, confuse the enemy and make them weak. Be with our guys and let them all come home safely! <br /><br />Pslam 91 has really been helping me:<br />1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High <br /> will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a] <br />2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, <br /> my God, in whom I trust.” <br /> 3 Surely he will save you <br /> from the fowler’s snare <br /> and from the deadly pestilence. <br />4 He will cover you with his feathers, <br /> and under his wings you will find refuge; <br /> his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. <br />5 You will not fear the terror of night, <br /> nor the arrow that flies by day, <br />6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, <br /> nor the plague that destroys at midday. <br />7 A thousand may fall at your side, <br /> ten thousand at your right hand, <br /> but it will not come near you. <br />8 You will only observe with your eyes <br /> and see the punishment of the wicked. <br /><br /> 9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” <br /> and you make the Most High your dwelling, <br />10 no harm will overtake you, <br /> no disaster will come near your tent. <br />11 For he will command his angels concerning you <br /> to guard you in all your ways; <br />12 they will lift you up in their hands, <br /> so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. <br />13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; <br /> you will trample the great lion and the serpent. <br /><br /> 14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; <br /> I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. <br />15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; <br /> I will be with him in trouble, <br /> I will deliver him and honor him. <br />16 With long life I will satisfy him <br /> and show him my salvation.” <br /><br />This is going to be a long two months. The only way I am going to feel better anytime soon is to hear Andrew's voice and to find out how it is over there now. Ugh...stay safe baby!KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-70368267420979317382011-04-30T19:46:00.003-04:002011-04-30T20:09:23.477-04:00Oh man, it's been foreverThis is the first time THIS YEAR that I have written anything. Kinda pathetic. I really need to keep up with this thing more because I know later on in life I'm going to love coming back and reading everything. My life over the past 4 months has been emotional and stressful, but overall good. God has really taken care of me when I need Him the most. Andrew has now been deployed for almost 5 months. This is my 2nd real deployment and we don't get to talk nearly as often as we did last time. I would say he calls once every 2 weeks (if that) and I haven't seen his face since he left. I've been trying to see how God works in my life and really taken it upon myself to realize it. This time 2 years ago, I would be going crazy within a week if Andrew hadn't called or skype-d with me, now I'm just thankful everytime he can call. I know he is safe and sound and he was thinking of me. God has also filled my life with school. I know I complain about it and it is really hard, but overall I am thankful that I have something to do to pass the time. I honestly can't believe I am almost done with my 2nd semester of Nursing School. It feels like it just started. I find myself loving it more and more. <br /><br />This post is going to be all over the place but I feel like I have a lot to say.<br /><br />My neice is now 3. We had her birthday party last weekend and she had a blast. She is the most beautiful little girl, I know I might be biased, but its the truth.lol I treat her more like my sister than anything. I guess it is because I never had a younger sibling, so I get to pick on her and drive her crazy. It's kinda weird how bugging her amuses me. My mom hates it, but its all for fun!! I love that little girl to pieces and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her.<br /><br />I found out on Saturday that Andrew's unit lost 2 guys. The first time I got an email about a casuality was in January and I started crying. It was probably because it was so soon after he left and it just scared me. I know he is danger everyday, but then to hear about someone getting hurt near where he is put it in a whole perspective for me. This time around, I found out about it online. It took over my thoughts for the rest of the day. I kept thinking about the two Marines,those poor families, the poor Marines that had to witness it, just everything. I have found myself praying for Andrew's safety more and more after that. I know when he comes home and I get to finally hug him at homecoming, its going to be like a huge weight has been lifted. I can't wait until he is home. I know a couple post ago, I mentioned how I was going to be counting up....well here is a picture of how I am doing it.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcm3Kivpws0oIlfihxZ6Q9psSaimmEplhegJGj499SxXiokF1YhbpZfhRKOuD1cXtvWvhiGSMuAOlmHFrUE8n5O9VPNrtjUz1ZtMbjbQdLRuKs-5TYNNFBclinjf92qZsWEVDXP6mGKMI/s1600/IMG_2530.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcm3Kivpws0oIlfihxZ6Q9psSaimmEplhegJGj499SxXiokF1YhbpZfhRKOuD1cXtvWvhiGSMuAOlmHFrUE8n5O9VPNrtjUz1ZtMbjbQdLRuKs-5TYNNFBclinjf92qZsWEVDXP6mGKMI/s400/IMG_2530.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5601530577957898946" /></a><br /><br />This was taken a few weeks ago. My heart is getting close to finally being full again. I know I am ready for him to be home, I can almost imagine how he feels. One of my friends texted me the other day, and she said the sweetest thing. It is funny how little reminders make your whole entire day. I said something along the lines of "I miss him, I can't wait till he comes home", and my friend said, "You know he misses you" and I replied "I hope so", and what she said next, I will always remember. She said "Girl you're the best thing in that boy's life. Trust me, he's counting down the days." :) Should I say it again how much I can't wait until he is home??<br /><br />This coming week is finals. Then I have one week off and I start summer school. If you read this, can you please say a prayer for me. I know it will be stressful and time consuming but in the end completely worth it. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I know God will give me the energy to get through this, as He always does. <br /><br />I promise I will try to update this thing more, I've really missed it.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-7733065652477035182010-12-15T23:11:00.001-05:002010-12-15T23:11:45.634-05:00Definitely made me cryI didnt write this, a Marine Girlfriend posted it on facebook forever ago.<br /><br /><br />My love and prayers go out to all the girls who will read this note, fully understand every single word, and be in tears by the time she’s done… <br /><br />If you have never loved a Marine, then you wouldn’t know how it feels to watch him leave, never knowing when you will see his face again. You wouldn’t know the pain endured and tears shed with every good-bye. You wouldn’t know how it feels to hope and pray he comes back the same man you fell in love with. You wouldn’t know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for months on end, and the longing to simply touch his cheek. You wouldn’t know the heartache after missing his long awaited call or the hint of happiness when you realize that you are now able to listen to the voicemail over and over again. You wouldn’t understand why a Friday night on the phone with him beats going out with the girls. You haven’t truly felt the lack of sleep until after those long phone calls that go on until midnight his time, six A.M. yours when you have to get up for work at seven. <br /><br />If you’ve never loved a Marine you wouldn’t know how it feels to go to a restaurant or to the mall, attempting not to notice couples holding hands, trying to hold back tears, knowing it will be twenty seven weeks until your fingers are once more intertwined in his. <br /><br />If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never be able to comprehend the immense pride that fills your smile when you wear his sweatshirt with ‘USMC’ across your chest, or the reason you wear his dog tags: to always keep him close to your heart♥. You wouldn’t know what its like to cuddle up in his clothes and grasp the teddy bear he made you last week, knowing that its the closest to him you can get. You wouldn’t understand how decorating the back of your car with bumper stickers could ever be cool, and the connection you feel with another whose car wears the same emblem as your own. You wouldn’t know the sacrifice, the willingness to let go of someone you love so much for the good of faceless strangers who would not have spared him a passing glance, had he been in his civilian clothes. You wouldn’t know the feeling of uncertainty, never knowing where he will be sent next year, or next week. You would never know how it feels to be left alone with your hopes, dreams, and fears, to have your whole future hanging in the balance of the next couple months until he comes home. <br /><br />If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never fully know the meaning of the phrase: ‘Semper Fi.’ You wouldn’t be able to comprehend the anxiousness of waiting for the mailman, the extreme joy when a letter finally arrives, and the tears that follows as you read his quick scribbled handwriting. You wouldn’t ever have to send a letter with its stamp upside down to a faraway camp in a land you rather not know about. You wouldn’t understand the anticipation leading up to the day when you can once again hold him in your arms. You wouldn’t know why that feeling of awe over a man in uniform, has suddenly become a deep longing and grief because you miss your man so much. <br /><br />If your heart has never belonged to a Marine you wouldn’t know what it’s like to become ecstatic when you see a man in dress blues across a billboard, freak out when you watch the commercial on T.V., and feel your chest tighten when you read a sign that says ‘Support our Troops, Bring Them Home!’ You wouldn’t understand this because you do not realize that he wanted to fight, and as much as you need him, you know our country needed him more. You’ll never understand the strength you have to muster up to be strong and put on a smile for the world, even though you feel so weak inside. <br /><br />Unless you’ve loved a Marine, you wouldn’t know that the meaning behind his girl’s smile is heartache and longing, pride and joy, willingness and uncertainty, and a love great enough to cross oceans, encompass deserts, transcend mountains, and overcome anything that comes between the two of them.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-41581939390398138462010-11-06T23:50:00.002-04:002010-11-06T23:58:56.249-04:00FriendshipsI take friendships pretty seriously. I don't know about everyone else, but friends are like family so I'm going to treat them that way. I don't know what it is about today, but little things have really kinda hurt my heart when it comes to friends. I know I personally put in effort with my friends, tell them I miss them, ask them to hang out, ask them to come places with me, etc. And I love how a couple of people in particular never do it back. I know it kinda sounds like I'm in 5th grade, but it is starting to hurt my feelings. I think I'm going to start living by the quote that says "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option." I hate the fact that we go from talking all the time, then when I stop texting, they don't ever text me. I don't want to be the one who always does it first. How is that friendship? I don't really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. I tell you all about my life, what I'm doing ect, and I have to find out what you are doing from facebook. Seriously? I had no idea about it and I feel like if you were really excited about what is going on in your life, you would share it with me. Well, I guess not. It just makes me want to stick with friends who actually care. That's all I've got tonight, I guess.<br /><br />I might delete this tomorrow, it just made me feel better getting it out.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-78910883291654362832010-10-24T14:23:00.000-04:002010-10-24T14:24:30.060-04:00Semper Fi<strong>This is the story of a wounded Marine meeting the Commandant, as told by Former President Ronald Reagan in a speech, in 1987 <br />My dad use to tell me about this, and now I just stumbled across it. It made me cry. <br /><br />Excerpt from President Ronald Reagan’s March 4, 1987 speech, dealing with the Marine Barracks Bombing in Beirut, Lebanon:</strong><br /><br />“…May I share something with you I think you’d like to know? It’s something that happened to the Commandant of our Marine Corps, General Paul Kelley, while he was visiting our critically injured Marines in an Air Force Hospital. It says more than any of us could ever hope to say about the gallantry and heroism of these young men who serve so willingly so that others might have a chance at peace and freedom in their own lives and in the life of their country. I’ll let General Kelley’s words describe the incident. <br /><br />He spoke of a ‘young marine with more tubes going in and out of his body than I have ever seen in one body. He couldn’t see very well. He reached up and grabbed my four stars, just to make sure I was who I said I was. He held my hand with a firm grip. He was making signals , and we realized he wanted to tell me something. We put a pad of paper in his hand - and he wrote “Semper Fi.”<br /><br />Well, if you’ve been a Marine or if, like myself, you’re an admirer of the Marines, you know those words are a battlecry, a greeting, and a legend in the Marine Corps. They’re Marine shorthand for the motto of the Corps - “Semper Fidelis” — “Always Faithful.” <br /><br />General Kelley has a reputation for being a very sophisticated general and a very tough Marine. But he cried when he saw those words, and who can blame him?”KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-71523343745365169762010-10-23T13:53:00.004-04:002010-10-23T14:08:45.078-04:00October 23rd.....Already???I honestly cannot believe October will be over next weekend. That's so scary. I remember just like it was yesterday that I posted on facebook that it was already October and how much I hated it. Andrew leaves in wayyyy less than 2 months, and I'm scared as anything, to be honest.I know worry is a lack of trust in God, but humans have a hard time with that. I've already been thinking of things to send him. I know what I'm going to be putting in his birthday package and our anniversary package. I also came up with an idea of how to countup this deployment. I'll post a picture when the dreaded time comes to make this thing. I've also tried to stay busy so I don't think about what is about to happen. When school isn't taking all my time, I try to atleast do some fun things! <br /><br />Monday I went to Dollywood. It's a theme park in Tennessee that Ms. Dolly Parton owns. It was pretty fun! The last time I went was with Andrew right before bootcamp, so it had been awhile.<br /><br />This was my favorite ride.<br /><a href="http://www.pigeon-forge-vacations.com/images/DollywoodMysteryMine2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 472px; height: 354px;" src="http://www.pigeon-forge-vacations.com/images/DollywoodMysteryMine2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />Also, on Thursday I carved pumpkins with Brinley and Lindsey. I had found a picture of a pumpkin I wanted to try to do. <br />This was the one I found.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzeqkGTfteGTvdv3w_dxMSyfBtMeAEPYljTlKO86RTI1sIyiBo9i-h_eageYqkhH-Ncl0FklrIWu_jZBqe9hCY-_68DqBAySgyAit5bxhJfYZ0dQU1BNOVWme7Hku0n_WFzZFKY5TEA2c/s1600/Pumpkin.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzeqkGTfteGTvdv3w_dxMSyfBtMeAEPYljTlKO86RTI1sIyiBo9i-h_eageYqkhH-Ncl0FklrIWu_jZBqe9hCY-_68DqBAySgyAit5bxhJfYZ0dQU1BNOVWme7Hku0n_WFzZFKY5TEA2c/s400/Pumpkin.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5531303317970465122" /></a><br /><br />And this was my finished product!!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpX_wmO4rTbj_6OdIN1SZ-tGRR5_pQ40wO2n7RF5fJdAoxIge-tLEmfDWxZ82o7B8auTZPt2ssGHzVuwKEIIMGSlC2DVhfOS1x-nInc6kN77yCWYFfi83g7fDGtiQTa80qaA02lchj_yk/s1600/IMG_2175.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpX_wmO4rTbj_6OdIN1SZ-tGRR5_pQ40wO2n7RF5fJdAoxIge-tLEmfDWxZ82o7B8auTZPt2ssGHzVuwKEIIMGSlC2DVhfOS1x-nInc6kN77yCWYFfi83g7fDGtiQTa80qaA02lchj_yk/s400/IMG_2175.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5531303715798348162" /></a><br /><br />I am in love with how it turned out! I think its WAY cute!!<br /><br />I also went to see "The Social Network" last night, and it is a really good movie! A lot better then I thought it was!<br /><br />Today, I got my two Bands for Arms braclets! They are awesome! If you don't know what I'm talking about, check this out: http://www.bandsforarms.com/<br /><br /><br />On a different note, Andrew has been in California for 2 weeks now, and I haven't heard his voice in a week now. He texts me here and there when he gets service, or he isn't busy....but man I miss that boy. It sucks that I can't talk to him now and then in a few weeks, I still won't be able to talk to him. Oh how I love the MC....<br /><br />Now, I'm gonna try to convince my mom to take me shopping! We will see how that goes :) I know this blog was all over the place, but that is how my mind is these days.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-38338285757018832852010-10-16T14:56:00.002-04:002010-10-16T15:09:49.268-04:00Still learningEven though I'm 21, I'm still learning things about myself all the time. Last night, my mom and I got into a disagreement. When I get upset or angry, I just shut down. I don't talk, I don't do anything really. I guess that is my way of making sure the other person knows that I'm mad. I know I do it with Andrew every time I get mad at him. But, even if he has hurt my feelings, I still don't want to hurt his, and it never once occured to me that by shutting down and not speaking to him might actually be hurting his feelings. <br /><br />Last night, after my mom and I disagreed, I didn't say another word to her and I just went to bed. I was obviously just thinking about myself and never once how I was making her feel. This morning I woke up and was still kinda hurt from last night and didn't really say much. After lunch, I found a letter my mom wrote and she explained to me that how I was acting was hurting her feelings and that she would never act like this towards me EVEN IF we did argue. That really opened my eyes not only with my relationship with my mom but with Andrew too. I know that not talking isn't going to solve anything any faster, its just immature. I hate when I hurt my mom's feelings...it really does hurt my heart. And then, she apologizes that she hurt mine. Ugh, so of course that made me cry. I guess you learn as you grow and even in random moments, you can learn something about yourself that you never would have imagined. So here is to trying to stop acting so stupid if my feelings are hurt. I gotta talk it out.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-13345822431853797192010-10-10T11:35:00.002-04:002010-10-10T11:43:57.300-04:00Happy 10/10/10First off, Happy 10/10/10. Today in church, Pastor Sam said when the next time 10/10/10 comes around, we will be in Heaven. Isn't that pretty cool to think about? I thought so.<br /><br /> Anyways....Andrew has been in California for about 3 days now, and I've really come to notice something. Whenever Andrew is gone and we can't talk, days drag on and on and on. He's gonna be there for 6 weeks and of course Verizon doesn't get any service in the desert so these 6 weeks are gonna take forever! Whenever I can call him or text him, the days just pass on by. I guess when my friends' husbands are deployed and I think the days are going by so fast, well to me they are, but to them they aren't. Just these 3 days have already made me DREAD December and this stupid deployment. I know that this deployment is going to bring me even closer to God and strength my faith in Him, because I know I am going to have to put complete trust and faith in Him because I'm gonna be helpless to do anything.<br /><br />It's kinda weird though because in some ways I cannot wait for Andrew to leave (I know that sounds awful), but I can't wait to get this countdown started; I can't wait to start writing letters and sending carepackages!! I just can't wait until next summer!<br /><br />Well, I need to get to study. This next week is not going to be fun whatsoever! Happy Sunday!KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-69891980104837410602010-10-01T19:05:00.002-04:002010-10-01T19:09:06.752-04:00Definition of LoveI posted this on facebook and little bit ago and I just re-read it tonight and it gave me chills once again. It is such the truth.....<br /><br /><blockquote>Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies.<br /><br /> <br /><br />You expect him to always say the right thing, and to always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love.<br /><br /> <br /><br />It’s inconvenient, painful, and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you. Right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.<br /><br /> <br /><br />It’s after a fight, that drains the life and bones right out of both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be okay. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.<br /><br /> <br /><br />You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’re unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of anothers hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you in the first place. Just as long as you have it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the sh*t out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway.Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it.<br /><br /> <br /><br />And it’s a heck of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.</blockquote>KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-69844361160536356412010-09-29T19:32:00.002-04:002010-09-29T19:43:02.332-04:00I gotta keep this thing up to date....A lot has been happening! First, Nursing School has been going pretty well! I've been in school for a little over a month and a half and it has flown by. I'm hoping the next 16 months fly by as well! It has been stressful and busy with studying ever weekend, but I know in the end when I'm able to graduate, it is going to be all worth it!<br /><br />Also, I have gotten to see Andrew 2 times this month. Two weekends ago, Andrew got a random 96 and he came home. I absolutely LOVE when he comes home. Things are so much better when he is in Knoxville. I love hanging out with him around both of our families and just being able to do things. It makes my heart happy. We went to the UT vs Florida football game, which was the first one we got to go to together since 2008. Even though we lost and it was miserably hot outside, it was fun being with him.<br />Then, just this past weekend was the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. Andrew's was early this year because in November he will be training and not be here, so they pushed it up. I gotta admit, it was nearly as fun or as nice as the one in 2008. This year's was on base in a field house with no A/C. Outside felt better then in did in there. We only stayed until the presentation was over and we left to go to Ihop to eat! It felt like prom all over again, but it was fun. I left bright and early Sunday morning to get home to have time to study for my test on Monday. I hate leaving Jacksonville. I feel like that is where I am meant to be I feel like....oh well...<br /><br /><br />That's just a little bit of what has been going on in my life....fun right? hahaKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-37044841186734488682010-09-04T18:33:00.005-04:002010-09-04T18:57:17.840-04:00My heart is hurtingI don't even know where to start with this. Everytime I think about it, I want to start crying. One of the sweetest, most caring, and loving girls that I know doesn't deserve to be going through what she is. Thursday morning I woke up for work and got on facebook. I see Chrissy's status that said "This isn't happening, it can't be". Chrissy and I have become texting buddies, I guess you would say. Every since her boyfriend deployed, her and I text each other a lot. Venting has always helped my soul and no matter what she was going through, she always listened to me and gave wonderful advice and support. When I texted her Thursday, I asked her what was wrong and she told me that Josh had died. At first I thought it was a joke, and then I didn't know what to do. I was so confused and heart broken for her. All I could do was cry. I cried for her pain and her loss. I know she is unbearably sad and confused. I know I would be. I honestly don't know how I would manage to keep breathing. But as I have seen over the last couple of days, Chrissy is so much stronger then I could ever think of being. I know she is going through more then she ever has before and she is having a hard time with people, but she still goes on. She is still living as hard as it is. I admire her strength and her courage. I've been thinking about her constantly since I found out. I've been praying and I know God will take care of Chrissy, but it still doesn't make things any easier. I honestly do not not how I could handle something like this, and it makes me so scared for Andrew to be going over to Afghanistan soon. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Chrissy is living my worst nightmare and I just wish this was all a dream. She didn't deserve this and it just saddens me because I can only imagine how much pain she is in. I hope God comforts her as quickly as possible!! I don't know if she will ever read this, but I'm so sorry Chrissy. You're an angel and I'm always here for you if you need someone to listen to you! Hang in there and know that so many people love you.... :(<br /><br />RIP Josh<br /><br />Also, the board I am on has rasied over $1000 to help Chrissy. Who knew women that you meet online can become such a sisterhood and love eachother so much! It is just amazing to me and I'm proud to be a part of it!KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-9224173099138956402010-08-29T12:30:00.003-04:002010-08-29T12:52:48.753-04:00Exactly What I Needed To HearToday's church sermon was amazing. I felt like God wanted me to be there to hear it and it was in some ways written to help me. It was absolutely amazing and I'm going to try to explain what Pastor Sam talked about.<br /><br />The whole service was about Marriages marred and mended. Now, yes, I'm well aware that I'm not married, but I felt like this applied directly to my relationship. It's no secret that Andrew and I have our problems. We are a very passionate couple, and passion comes with love and sometimes (well many times) arguments. <br /><br /><strong>A model marriage has this:</strong><br /><br /><strong>Oneness</strong> - Where your spouse is the most important person in your life, other than God. In the bible it says, "A man is to leave his mother and father and join with his wife." Pastor Sam said that doesn't mean you technically have to leave your parents, but a man is to now regard his wife as the most important relationship, and no one should come before her (expect for God). <br /><br /><strong>Openness</strong> - This one is kinda self explanatory. You have to be open with your spouse. <br /><br />Next..... <strong>A Marred Marriage</strong><br /><br />Pastor Sam talked about how marriage problems are spiritual problems. Which I totally agree, and that can also be in any dating relationship too. Selfishness is the heart of the problem. That really struck a cord with me, because I know he is right. I'm not ashamed to say I can be and am selfish. It is one of my worst qualities. That <em>has</em> to change if I ever want things to get better. I realize that and I really am working hard on it. Pastor Sam named some selfish-ness (is that a word?) and I'm gonna write them out. I don't remember exactly what he said with each of them because I was to busy paying attention to write. haha<br /><br />~ Self-focused Deception<br />~ Self-focused Desire - which he said was focusing on what I don't have more than what I do have. Which, by the way, is A LOT if I would just realize it.<br />~ Self-focused Desire<br />~ Self-focused Deflection<br />~ Self-focused Domination<br /><br />And then the blame game starts. In Genesis, Adam blames Eve for tempting him with the apple, and then Eve blames the snake. They never blame themselves, which I admit, I do a lot. I got to start sucking up my pride and blaming myself for the stuff I have done.<br /><br />Pastor Sam said marriages are never hopeless, because there is a God who can mend ANYTHING!<br /><br />Next.... <strong>A Mended Marriage</strong><br />God gives hope to the broken hearted.<br /><br />A marriage (or relationship) can be mended through the power of our Savior. <br /><br />Romans 5:20b was quoted. It says, "But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more."<br /><br />He also showed this picture.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDjGAOheizgO9FPPLG34GBMkUVW1m3nQVV3dXn38UeMlaaCK7UgMaVEU_8hj3d1F5f5qZ4Jimfs02v4fCNgqYvupKFwmrhPMSxsdRse4frPT5lnGTj0A8IbrSP_qJDzaqk_d4pxIA7Smo/s1600/727-ground-zero-cross.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDjGAOheizgO9FPPLG34GBMkUVW1m3nQVV3dXn38UeMlaaCK7UgMaVEU_8hj3d1F5f5qZ4Jimfs02v4fCNgqYvupKFwmrhPMSxsdRse4frPT5lnGTj0A8IbrSP_qJDzaqk_d4pxIA7Smo/s400/727-ground-zero-cross.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5510874937915276866" /></a><br /><br />He said," If there is hope at ground zero, then there can be hope in a marriage."<br /><br />The key to any marriage or relationship is to not focusing on each other, but on Jesus. <br /><br />I hoped this helped someone, because it really did help me!!KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-2842926834936682822010-08-28T21:48:00.001-04:002010-08-28T21:48:38.139-04:00For the guys....Tell her how you ADMIRE her. when she’s upset, hold her tight. PICK HER OVER all the other girls you hang out with. PLAY WITH HER HAIR. pick her up, tickle her and wrestle with her. JUST TALK TO HER. TELL HER JOKES. BRING HER FLOWERS just because. Holdherhandandrun. just hold her hand. …let her fall asleep in your arms. Tell her she looks beautiful. Look into her eyes and smile. kiss her on the forehead. kiss her in the rain. If you want to be with her… tell her<br /><br />Tell her why you think shes so amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at you, listen to her and remember why you upset her so next time you wont. Give her back rubs. Play football with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her when she least expects it. Be her best friend...KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-71487262373164445632010-08-05T22:43:00.002-04:002010-08-05T22:57:26.933-04:00Nursing School/FeelingsToday I had round one of my nursing school orientation. I was so nervous and anxious that it made my head hurt. I have no idea why I get so nervous over nursing school, I guess I just don't want to fail. I want summer to last forever, but then I also want school to start so I can get it over with. 17 months will be over before I know it right? I almost fainted when I learned how much books were. They are basicially 1/3 of how much my tutition is. I keep having to tell myself it will be worth it in the future. <br /><br />Also, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am seriously in a funk. I think I figured out why, and its this simple...jealously and distance. I'm not going to mention any names but a couple of people might know exactly who I'm talking about. I hate when I see people get what I want when they don't even deserve it. They get to experience something that I want and its just not fair. I guess life isn't fair, but duringthe last couple months it REALLY hasn't been fair. I don't know how else to explain it without just coming out and saying whats wrong, but this past weekend was hard. Also, distance is seriously getting the best of me. Its been 3 weeks since I have seen Andrew's face, or hugged him, or gotten to touch him and I feel like I'm wasting away. It feels like forever, and I have atleast a month (if not more) until I see him again. It makes me tear up typing this, but distance is so hard. Most of my friends have no idea how it feels to not see their boyfriends for weeks or months at a time, so I feel so lonely sometimes. Even though I keep my mouth shut, I can't stand when people tell me "I can't imagine doing what you are doing, I miss my boyfriend after one night a part." Well suck it up....that is what I want to say. If you had to, you could do it. It's hard and it sucks, but please keep it to yourself that the most you are a part from your boyfriend is a night here or there. Most people don't get what I go through, and I guess that is okay. They don't have to. I just wish sometimes that it wasn't so hard. I love seeing Andrew for more then a weekend, but I also feel like it makes it harder. I've never felt so lonely then I do right now, and like I said, its only been 3 weeks. I wish I could fix whatever is wrong with me, but I guess first I have to figure out what it is. I just wish for once I could get some luck....I just miss my boyfriend and I'm allowed to whine about it.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-14917655474891036852010-08-02T21:36:00.001-04:002010-08-02T21:36:44.012-04:00LifeLife isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-17175805721124004232010-07-31T23:17:00.002-04:002010-07-31T23:24:11.349-04:00TearsEvery cried so much, you don't know what it feels like to go a day without doing it? That is how I feel. This distance is really starting to get to me. Somedays, I honestly don't know how I've done it for 3+ years now. IT SUCKS! It never used to suck before, but it really does right now. I don't know what is wrong with me and why now it is just feeling so hard. It might be because there are so many things in my life that are changing. I just moved home, I start nursing school in 17 days, and I'm supposed to start soon (hey its my blog, I don't care). All of that combined is making me crazy. Well, that is what I'm assuming. It drives me crazy when I don't hear from Andrew often, and some days I feel like that makes me a psycho, but other days I feel like its just me being a girl. Is that too much to ask for? I feel like I put too much pressure on this relationship, but I don't know how not to. I feel like I expect too much, but is that a bad thing? I want to feel loved and I don't always feel like that. My heart really hurts right now...<br /><br />I know I wrote the word "feel" about 50 million times, sorryKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-75010482029574949112010-07-21T16:07:00.003-04:002010-07-21T16:25:03.661-04:00If you knew me...Last night I was watching the new show on MTV called "If you knew me" and I thought I would give it a shot....so here goes....<br /><br />If you knew me, you would know that I'm not always as happy as I seem. Memories, thoughts, and the past get me down <em>a lot</em>. It's hard for me to let go of things that have hurt me, even though I try. It's hard for me to move past resentment and I really wish there was an "Easy Button" for things like that. If you knew me, you would know that my family is no where near perfect. But, I guess no family is. Some days I get so fed up with them that I just want to get in my car and drive far far away, but all in all I love them with everything I have. If you knew me, you would know that I'm scared to fail. I start nursing school next month, and I secretly don't want to. I'm so scared I'm not going to be good at being a nurse, or I won't know what to do for someone when the time comes. People ask me all the time if I am excited to start and I always say yes but deep down, I'm not at all. If you knew me, you would know that I envy many people. I think life can be unfair a lot of the time. Andrew and I have been dating for almost 3 and a half years now and not once has he been home for any of my birthdays or our anniversaries...and to me that isn't fair. I know people probably think, well you knew what you were getting yourself into when you starting dating him, but does that make any of it fair? If you knew me, you would know that some days I just feel like crying. Like today. I think crying is the only thing that is going to make me feel better. If you knew me, you would know that I miss my puppy more then anything. Just this past weekend I slept in and the first thing I thought of when I woke up was "Oh man, I need to take Moco outside." August 6 will be one year since he passed, and it still hurts my heart every time I think about him. I can still vividly picture his face and hear his bark. I miss that dog so freaking much. If you knew me, you would know that I need to get back to trusting and talking to God more. I go to church every Sunday I am in town, but it still doesn't feel like enough some days. I need to stop being so lazy and read my Bible more and just spend time with God and talk to Him. He is the one who <em>REALLY</em> knows me and loves me exactly how I am, so why don't I treat Him like that. If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I try to think everything is always going to be okay and I try not to think the worst about anything, even though sometimes that is hard. If you knew me, you would know that I'm terrified of Andrew's upcoming deployment. The last one was hard on us even though we talked a lot, so I can't even imagine how Afghanistan will be. I'm terrified of something happening to him and it makes my heart sink just thinking about it. I honestly don't know what I would do with myself. If you knew me, you would know that I love people and I would seriously do anything for anyone if they needed me. I hate letting people down and I can't stand when someone is mad at me.<br /><br /><br />That is all I have so far, sorry for the rambling. I might add more later.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-8504032206437150152010-06-21T13:00:00.001-04:002010-06-21T13:04:25.175-04:00I've been slackingI haven't written a blog in...forever. I know. I randomly think of something that I want to write here, but when I come to write it, it never sounds as good as it did in my head. Such is life, I guess. <br /><br />I've been a pretty busy girl here for the past two weeks. My online summer classes started 2 weeks ago and I've been non stop working on them. I've been trying to get a lot of stuff done before I start Nursing School in August, which I am soooo scared about. I know that is kinda sad, but I am. I'll probably throw up the first day of classes and then be fine. ha<br /><br />Yesterday was father's day, and we had a great day. I wanted to share what the card said that I got for my dad because I thought it was absolutely perfect! <br />It read:<br /><br />A few things daughters know because of dads:<br /><br />-That little princesses can be sluggers, too.<br />-That life's too short not to laugh...or eat ice cream...or dream big.<br />-That somebody thinks she's beautiful even when she forgets it.<br />-That there'll always be at least one guy she can count on, no matter <em>what</em>.<br /><br />-That growing up is just for a little while, but a dad's love is forever, Happy Father's Day!<br /><br /><br /><br />I'm one extremely blessed girl to have such an amazing father! I love him more than words could ever ever say!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQLuueV1aAI8o6u7-pzT2OFMO26IGbF71zpugcJ8BHhj1Kz95L4KWEitIUkc9r24awYPgYpFfv9y0AEXQACFluolqgKAvjzE7IoM83Wy14u4Jm_1Zes4KaWVFuU0SOh_h4_ADtgE2fNN0/s1600/DSC00948.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQLuueV1aAI8o6u7-pzT2OFMO26IGbF71zpugcJ8BHhj1Kz95L4KWEitIUkc9r24awYPgYpFfv9y0AEXQACFluolqgKAvjzE7IoM83Wy14u4Jm_1Zes4KaWVFuU0SOh_h4_ADtgE2fNN0/s400/DSC00948.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5485273524910851250" /></a>KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-488560645508994015.post-39151751569235789872010-06-10T18:23:00.001-04:002010-06-10T18:25:05.084-04:00In love with this song<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nsPlJi9dPW0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nsPlJi9dPW0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><br />"Sweater Song" - Hedley<br /><br />she said baby don't leave<br />be home stay close be close to me<br />boy dont' be gone<br />he said baby you know <br />i gotta run i gotta go<br />i won't be long, girl i won't be long<br /><br />she said boy don't you flirt<br />and baby please just don't get hurt<br />and if you feel alone then here take my shirt<br />he said forever girl i know you hate the weather girl<br />so maybe you should hold onto my sweater girl<br /><br />she ran picked up the phone<br />said babe i miss you come back home<br />it can't be long, boy it can't be long<br />he said i hate this place<br />i miss your smile i miss your face<br />i wrote a song, girl i wrote a song<br /><br />she said you make me better boy<br />i just mailed you a letter boy<br />and oh just so you know i'm still in your sweater boy<br />he said girl don't be hurt<br />i've sweat a lot and smell of dirt<br />and i think i'd feel naked without your shirt<br /><br />he said you're looking great<br />i'm home i'm back i couldn't wait<br />girl way too long, this was way too long<br />she said get over here<br />i crave you close i need you near<br />now play that song, boy play me our song<br /><br />he said back to forever girl<br />hope you endured the weather girl<br />now all i wanna do is get you outta that sweater girl<br />she said i like the way you flirt<br />i'm so glad you didn't get hurt<br />now let me see you naked without that shirtKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090874675198059431noreply@blogger.com0