Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Do you ever have something bothering you but you can't place a finger on whatever it is? That is how I am right now. I feel like something is weighing on my heart but I have no idea what it is. I feel like I go through this phases about once a month or so (and no its not during that time of the month either lol) and I just wish it would stop. I have a good life, I'm happy so why am I kinda blah? Maybe it has something to do with finals coming up and just being stressed and then on top of all that, not really knowing what I am going to be doing next year or what my future really holds for me. Its just a stressful time in my life and I feel like I take it out on Andrew a lot. I know that is the worst thing I can do, but I feel like he should have the words that I need to hear or just know what I need, but he isn't God...I can't expect him to know how to make everything better so why do I do it? I also feel like I take things wayyyyy out of proportion and I feel like the world should revole around me and sometimes I just want to smack myself and be like "STOP". I know that is such a 5 year old thing to feel like and I'm definitely wanting to change that about myself. I guess sometimes it is human nature to feel this way, but it annoys me. If Andrew doesn't text me for a few be it...he still cares. If my best friend has other best be it....she still cares! I don't have to be the center of attention all the time. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess to just get it out. I feel like the way I think is what makes me unhappy a lot of the time. And I HATE it. I want to be more of a positive person and I'm definitely going to start trying. I want to be honestly happy for people and not fake it, I want to actually laugh everyday....I need to start relying on God for my happiness and not people. I truly believe that will make the biggest difference in my life. So here is to trying.


  1. I actually have the exact same problems. My mom sent me a book from Jennifer Rothschild called Me Myself and Lies: A thought-closet makeover. The back says: "We all talk to ourselves all the time. We evaluate everything we do, compare ourselves to other, and even call ourselves names. Me Myself and Lies deals with our destructive, unrealistic, self-talk."
    She's an awesome writer and seems to hit the points really well.

    Love youuuu!!!

  2. I might need to get that book!! Thanks!

    I love you!

  3. I get that feeling ALL the time. I actually did meditation classes at work for a bit, and I loved one of the terms the teacher used. "Free-floating anxiety."
    Sometimes, there isn't a place for it to go. Nothing may be wrong, but the body is still reacting. Unfortunately, that is when we try and FIND something wrong, which isn't always the best solution!

    I hope you get in a better mood soon! And just remember, even if you have irrational thoughts or expectations, the first step to stopping them are realizing they're irrational, and I think you've got it! Don't beat yourself up over it!



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