Thursday, November 1, 2012


I saw my dad last night. I love dreams like that. I feel happy every time I wake up. In my dream, I knew he wasn't living so I was so confused when he walked up to me. I was so happy though. I wish I could have dreams about him every night. I miss everyday. I seriously cry on the way home from work every night. I don't know what it is about that drive. I guess it just gives me time to think. Think about him, how much I miss his advice and wisdom, how much I miss talking to him, and seeing him. I took my car into get the oil changed on Monday and they called and asked if I wanted to get the 90,000 mile check up. It was $400. I instantly thought "I need to call dad and see what he thinks I should do." That my first official break down. I didn't know what to do. He had all the answers like that. My dad's franchise did a memorial in their monthly news magazine. It's awesome seeing what everyone says about my dad. How he told his doctor to do whatever he had to do to keep him alive so he could walk me down the aisle. I think my dad in some ways knew he wasn't going to make it. God really works in mysterious ways. He knew all along what was going to happen to my dad. That is why he had Andrew propose when he did, he knew we would think Andrew would be deploying in June so we would get married before then, then have Andrew not deploy and get out of the MC so he could be home with me through all this. Andrew helped me so much during that time, and still is. I haven't found a way to thank him yet. I'm not sure how I would have reacted is roles were reversed, but he just held me while I cried and would listen to me whenever I needed to talk. I don't think he knows really how much I do cry still. I try not to let anyone see that. Songs can set me off, pictures, seeing my mom's front porch lights on last night set me off. About a week ago, I was at my parent's house in my old bedroom. I found a card from my dad. I opened it up and it was one of those record-able kinds. Hearing his voice instantly brought tears to my eyes. Now I will always have that, his voice right in my hands. The song "One more day" by Diamond Rio really has hit home. I wish I could spend one more day with him, but I know it would only leave me wishing for more.....

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