I'm not like the weather forcast right about now...

If it snows on Friday, I will be pisssssssssssed!!!!!! I have major plans on Friday, which include going to clubs and buying my first alcoholic drink....because I FINALLY can! And if it snows and its too icy, I will be very very ticked! Just had to throw that out there......

Thank goodness its the weekend

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
-Samuel Beckett

When I first read that quote, I had to read it over and over again. It really gave me hope, as crazy as that sounds. The last two days have been kinda awful/crazy/emotional and for some reason I'm so scared that if I get into a nursing school I'm gonna fail majorly! But atleast I'm gonna try right? Atleast if I fail I can try again, and try even harder the next time. The future for me is up in the air right now and I really don't like it. It makes me feel so uncomfortable. I just hope and pray the Lord leads in the direction He wants me to go in. So that is a tiny bit of my life over the last couple days..

BUT...one thing that made me smile

Today I felt the need to ask Andrew this question "Ok so, once I get through nursing school and we get married and I hate nursing, will you help me pay to take some photography classes?? I know that is way in the future but I was curious."

And his response was "Shoot yeah I will!"

And I started crying. He had no idea how happy he just made me, but I realized no matter what happens with this whole nursing thing, Andrew will help me do something that atleast makes me happier than anything in the world. He really is my best friend!

I hate when my head hurts

after I've been crying. Today was just blah. I don't even know why I started crying. I guess just everything hit me at once. I have been applying to nursing schools and it is stressing me out. On top of that all, I don't have the greatest GPA. I have a 3.0 and I'm pretty sure to even get into UT you have to a 3.5 or up. I had my first nursing class today and it just made me really nervous and upset. After class, as I was walking back to my car, and I called my mom and just started crying. I'm sure everyone around me thought I was a complete idiot, but I couldn't stop. I could hardly talk.........I hate not knowing what gonna happen. I'm even scared I'm gonna spend all this money and all this time trying to get my nursing degree and then I won't even like it. Ugh....I just wish life would be simple

..................

Annoyed......that is all

What a day.....

Today was the first day of classes. My plan was to wake up at 8am just so I would have plenty of time to get ready, get some food, find a parking spot (you know how bad parking is on the 1st day of classes), find my building, and then find my classroom. Well, great plan, but it wasn't followed through with. When my alarm went off, I pressed snooze....again and again and again. I finally got out of bed at 8:40.....geez! So there went all my planning. I did however make it to class on time. Can I just say how much I HATE auditorium classrooms. One teacher for 300+ students. Ughhhhh. Then, after that class I had 15 minutes to walk my butt all the way across campus to get to my other class. Microbiology. Enough said about that. One thing did happen in that class that I wasn't even expecting. There was a deaf student in there who had a person to sign for him. It was amazing watching that and just realizing how much I take for granted day in and day out, like the ability to hear. This guy couldn't even hear the people laughing in class about what the teacher said, he couldn't hear the teacher, he couldn't even hear the turning of pages.......and I can do all of that and I take it for granted. I take talking (and hearing) on the phone for granted. I take so many little things for granted and I realized I shouldn't do that. I'm sure that guy would give up anything to be able to hear like I do for one day, but days go by where I don't even think about the ability to hear just because I do it everyday. It made me realize how blessed I truly am and how lucky and thankful to God that He has blessed me with all my senses and all the abilities that I have. I am going to do my best to remember to be thankful more often about how blessed I really am. Tonight, The Walk at church starts back up and I'm so excited! I'm so happy I feel better, and I can go!

OH......and as most of Tennessee SHOULD know by now, we lost our football coach last night. Lane Kiffin was only here for 14 months and then last night he says he is going to be the new head coach at USC (where he is from), and just ups and leaves us. People are PISSED! Beyond it actually. There are police blocking the road to his house because there are death threats and everything. He is taking 2 of the coaches with him, and we have already lost 2 so we basically have no coaching staff now. And on top of that, official signing day is NEXT month, so we are losing so many guys that had committed to UT because we have no coach.....there goes our whole recruiting class. He screwed us over....simple as that. Eric Berry did the right thing and left when he did. There is a facebook group called "Dear Lane Kiffin, We hate you, Love The Vols" and I just wanted to share some funny comments and pictures. Some are a little much, but just take it with a grain of salt and laugh a little....

"Who names their son "Knox" and then moves back to Cal? What a DA! Jokes on you sell out"

"I'm not even a college football fan, but this was just plain dirty. I'll be rooting for UT from here on in"

"Can we keep your wife, please??"

"Kiffin the Coward"

"Thanks for being the biggest let down in the History of Tennessee football coaches"

"I don't know who is more faithful, Lane Kiffin or Tiger Woods"

Now time for some pictures

"Riots" from last night

I hope he realizes the wrath of Vol Nation is brutal.

Now and Then

Today is the day everything goes back to normal….well I guess if you wanna call it normal. I went to buy my text books today and they cost me $497…….are you FLIPPING kidding me! I sure hope becoming a nurse is worth all this! If not, I’ll just quit and become a photographer =). I am also going back to my apartment today. I have been staying at my house off and on while Andrew was home and then when he left on the 4th, I went home and then got sick so I’ve been here ever since. I love my apartment but I know tonight is going to be weird being back there and being “alone” in a sense. That is one of the reasons I have been staying at my house is because I was always going to have someone around me, but that is not always going to be possible at the apartment. Oh well…I’m a big girl right?! I am looking forward to seeing my Chance again though! I saw him on Saturday so I still hope he is hanging in there and won’t be mad at me since I haven’t been home in awhile. American Idol starts tonight too so that is something to look forward to. Well here goes another semester….wish me luck….ugh

Oh but I was listening to Jessie James on the way home from the bookstore and even thought I’ve heard this song over and over again, today was the first time I ever truly listened to the words and I am in love with this song!

Lonely is the way I'm spending my days
The clock on the wall keeps me
counting faith
But it's ticking away
The days turn to weeks
Oh it's
all the same
Every morning and night I make sure to pray
That he's okay

Only his love is worth watching and waiting for
Look out the window
just me and my pillow
As long as it takes I'll watch and I'll wait him at
the front door
As bad as it hurts his love is worth watching and waiting for

Awake is the way I spend all my nights
So thirsty at times I can't
even cry
I'm only half alive
He's doing this for us
So I can't
complain
Cause I know it's gonna be worth all this pain
The day I touch
his face

Only his love is worth watching and waiting for
Look out
the window just me and my pillow
As long as it takes I'll watch and I'll
wait him at the front door
As bad as it hurts his love is worth watching and
waiting for

Am I building my future on quicksand?
Am I waistin' away
all my wishes?
Am I foolish to think he's ever coming back?

Only his love is worth watching and waiting for
Look out the window just me and my pillow
As long as it takes I'll watch and I'll wait him at the front door
As bad as it hurts his love is worth watching and waiting for
Watching and waiting for
Watching and waiting

Watching and waiting is what I've become pretty good at. HA But this song for some reason made me want to go find some old pictures and Andrew and I sooo....here we go! Look how different we both look!

I'll be waiting for the rest of my life....but hey, I love him enough to do it

Psalm 25:4-12

In times of confusion and total perplexion we open ourselves to be instructed; we're more likely to listen during these times. Perhaps it's the inability to reach someone, perhaps one of our friends or work colleagues, or even one of our children, and we just want knowledge in how to actually reach that person.

Psalm 25 and verses 4-12 speak to these times when we're desperate to know the right way and we're just more receptive. These are the times when we look to heaven and, at that moment, our hearts and minds are open.

We could easily pray these words:

4 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

We'd commence with a request to know more about the ways of life, and most specifically the answers to the particular situation. This might lead us to wonder for a moment about the character of God; his nature and his deeds of past. (And here's one of the valuable things of good, effective prayer--we start with ourselves and end with God.)

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.

Conjuring images of God is likely to bring us to a position of subjection--of being reminded of our frailties and disobedience, though God's not laying on the guilt-trip, we are!
The moment we acknowledge the real truth of God--his all-sufficient grace, no less--we're free again, free to bask in his goodness. It's in imagining and re-imagining God that we find he's utterly incomprehensible; this brings us paradoxically both dis-ease and comfort.

8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

God is the light in every situation. His Spirit brings closure to the pensiveness of our hearts. We seek to complete his will by following his instruction and we're saved in the moment.

9 He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.

His ways are only open to the humble at heart--the puffed-up proud know full well God's no fun, yet there are those caught between, trying to be humble; but these carnal Christians are fooled in their pedigree of arrogance.

The humble can learn; they always do. They watch for the Light, always watching; always growing steadily in wisdom. They know, and what's more, accept, that accumulating wisdom means diligently making meaning out of observation and experience. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
The attitude of the penitent is appropriate; it always is and always will be.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. -Psalm 25:4-12 (NIV)

Just one of those days

Ya know, you never truly know what someone is going through. They can have a smile on their face and say that everything is okay, but on the inside they have a million worries running through their head and probably just want to be held. I've had one of those weekends and I don't ever want to go through this again. Its been hard but God helps. I've been taking medicine for my sinus infection and the other night I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest because it was beating so hard and fast, so I went downstairs in my den and laid next to my dad while he watched t.v. thinking being near someone would help relax me...but nope I was wrong. So...the only other thing I knew to do was start praying. All I could think to say was "Lord, hold me in your arms, Lord, hold me in your arms" over and over again. Instantly I felt calmer and I actually feel asleep. I knew He was the only thing that could help me, and He did. God is SOO good. My sister and her family were in town and I loved having them here. It actually got my mind off of things for a little while! My little niece is growing up so fast and I wish I lived near her so I could see her more often! I had the scariest thought today...when Emilee is old enough to drive, I will be 31.....SCARYYYYY! Anyways, Tennessee men played the #1 Kansas basketball team tonight and WE WON! It was absolutely amazing! On New Years day, 4 of the basketball players got arrested for having drugs in their car and guns. Well one got dismissed from the team this week and the other three are still waiting on what their fate will be, so this win was even more special without 4 players. Watching this game made me feel so much better, I was actually yelling at the tv. haha Well, I don't have any more to say, so I'll leave that for another time.

Wish you were here - Mark Willis

They kissed goodbye at the terminal gate
She said, "You're gonna be late if you don't go"
He held her tight, said, "I'll be alright
I'll call you tonight to let you know"
He bought a postcard, on the front it just said Heaven
With a picture of the ocean and the beach
And the simple words he wrote her
Said he loved her and they told her
How he'd hold her if his arms would reach

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face
The weather's nice, it's paradise
It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"

She got a call that night but it wasn't from him
It didn't sink in right away, ma'am the plane went down
Our crews have searched the ground
No survivors found she heard him say
But somehow she got a postcard in the mail
That just said Heaven with a picture of the ocean and the beach
And the simple words he wrote her
Said he loves and they told her
How he'd hold her if his arms would reach

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face
The weather's nice, it's paradise
It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"

The weather's nice, in paradise
It's summertime all year and all the folks we know
They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here"
Wish you were here

Coughs and Snow Flakes

You know what…sore throats are NOT fun at all!! I’m sure most of you know that. I woke up…my throat hurt. I try to eat breakfast…I can’t even taste my biscuit, OH and my throat hurt! I stood up and the only thing I wanted to do was sit back down. I decided it was time to get my behind to the doctor. Every time I have to go to the doctor, I really hope there is something wrong with me, because I always feel like an idiot when I go and all I have is a cold or the tell me nothing is wrong! I knew whatever I had this time was more than a cold….I was right! I have a low grade fever and a sinus infection! I got some medicine thankfully!! I can’t wait to feel better and finally have enough energy to get off this couch!

Oh…and I wanted to share some exciting things that happened today!!

1) It snowed!!! I know I was just stuck in a blizzard, so why am I so excited to see flurries?? Well I guess it is because it rarely ever snows here in Tennessee, so any snow here is so awesome to see! I wish it would keep snowing so I could get out there when I feel better and build a snowman!

2) Andrew picked up Corporal!!!!! I am SO stinking proud of him! He would kill me if he knew I posted this picture, but I don’t care! He is so freaking adorable!!! =) You can't see his new pin, but its there!!

3) I started applying to Nursing schools today! I am applying to 5 different places and praying that I get into 1. This makes everything so real and also scary! I don’t wanna grow up, but I guess there is no stopping that!

"You're Never Gonna Be Alone" - Nickelback

Time, is going by, so much faster than I
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of here with you
Now I'm wondering why I've kept this bottled inside
So I'm starting to regret not selling all of it to you
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall
You're never gonna be alone, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands
'Cause forever I believe
That there's nothing I could need but you
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on
We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

Oh, you've gotta live every single day
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away, could be our only one
You know it's only just begun, every single day
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes

Time is going by so much faster than I
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on
We're gonna see the world out, I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone

I'm gonna be there always
I won't be missing a word all day
I'm gonna be there always
I won't be missing a word all day

Here We Go

I’ve wanted to start a blog as long as I can remember, but I’m just now getting around to it. Bare with me, I’m not much of a writer, but I feel like this blog is gonna make me feel a lot better just to get words out on “paper” so to speak. Well, Andrew left today to go back to VA. It was so awesome having him home again. I forgot what it was like having him here and being able to go see him whenever I wanted! It was nice…really nice! Actually, nice isn’t even the right word to describe it, I think. It was amazing. My best friend was back. He had changed so much since he left, but it was all for the better. He started becoming someone that I needed him to become, and I hope I was doing the same thing for him. We both started reading “The 5 Love Languages” and I can’t wait to see what that does for us. I also never knew that I could love him more than I did before, but, boy, was I wrong. I know that probably sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth. Having him home felt right! It is where he is supposed to be and I know I want him by my side for the rest of my life. He even wrote me a song, but I’ll wait to post the link until he makes the “real” version….but I like it just how it is! This leave was actually real fun and we did so much, but I feel like all that did was make the time go by faster. When he left this morning, it sucked! I told him, “My life is going back to normal, and I don’t want it to.” My normal is him not being here and I really hate that. I have already started counting down the days until I see him again! And yes, like Lauren and Josh said…I’m smitten! =) I’ve been sitting in my pj’s all day, but today is my lazy day. I deserve one, and tonight is going to be full of watching The Bachelor and messing around on the computer. Tomorrow I’ll get back to real life…just not tonight.

Today has been pretty hard for my family. I probably shouldn’t post exactly what’s going on, but if you read this, can you please send up a few prayers for us? Thanks!

"I love this crazy, tragic,

Sometimes almost magic,

Awful, beautful life"