Slow Down

This song describes how I've been feeling a lot lately

Life I need to talk to you

Can you spare a minute just tell me what to do

I’m trying to climb this hill

I can feel you pass me by like I’m standing still

The things I gotta do I’m feeling you leaving me behind

And I know I don’t wanna go down this road alone and I’m running out of time

So slow down you’re losing me

And I can’t see what you want me to be

So slow down cause all I know is that I can’t go as fast as you’ve got me spinning round

I’m barely hanging on, slow down

Life the moments pass me by

Memories that I can’t keep as hard as I may try

Life you’re so beautiful I wish it wasn’t so but I can only stay until

You say I gotta go God only knows when that’s gonna be

With all my might I’m trying to keep up with you

Now you’re running away from me

Ummmm

Do you ever have something bothering you but you can't place a finger on whatever it is? That is how I am right now. I feel like something is weighing on my heart but I have no idea what it is. I feel like I go through this phases about once a month or so (and no its not during that time of the month either lol) and I just wish it would stop. I have a good life, I'm happy so why am I kinda blah? Maybe it has something to do with finals coming up and just being stressed and then on top of all that, not really knowing what I am going to be doing next year or what my future really holds for me. Its just a stressful time in my life and I feel like I take it out on Andrew a lot. I know that is the worst thing I can do, but I feel like he should have the words that I need to hear or just know what I need, but he isn't God...I can't expect him to know how to make everything better so why do I do it? I also feel like I take things wayyyyy out of proportion and I feel like the world should revole around me and sometimes I just want to smack myself and be like "STOP". I know that is such a 5 year old thing to feel like and I'm definitely wanting to change that about myself. I guess sometimes it is human nature to feel this way, but it annoys me. If Andrew doesn't text me for a few hours.....so be it...he still cares. If my best friend has other best friends....so be it....she still cares! I don't have to be the center of attention all the time. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess to just get it out. I feel like the way I think is what makes me unhappy a lot of the time. And I HATE it. I want to be more of a positive person and I'm definitely going to start trying. I want to be honestly happy for people and not fake it, I want to actually laugh everyday....I need to start relying on God for my happiness and not people. I truly believe that will make the biggest difference in my life. So here is to trying.

I wish I knew what my future holds....

It is kinda starting to get frustrating! I have been planning on going to South College next year and taking the classes there that I need and re-taking some science classes just so I can make better grades. Well a HUGE praise was answered for me when I got home on Saturday night. I had sent in my transcripts to Lincoln Memorial University and I really didn't know when I would hear from them or what I was supposed to do next, so I was just waiting. Well, I got a letter in the mail telling me I was accepted at LMU and that they were giving me a $5,500 scholarship.........how amazing is that???? Gah, that is going to be such a blessing for me if everything works out. So, I will probably be going there next year but again, I don't know what I will be doing. I emailed my advisor today and she asked me to let her know what classes I am taking right now. I looked at the pre-regs for Nursing school and I'm pretty sure I have taken all of them, so my wish right now is that those grades are good enough that I can just start nursing school with LMU in the fall. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that God places me somewhere He wants me to be. It is hard waiting though!

Moving on, yesterday my niece turned 2. I can't believe she is already 2, I feel so old! She had a great time but got really tired and overwhelmed right when she started opening her presents. It was kinda funny and the only way we could keep her from crying was giving her more of her presents! She got some cute clothes and her birthday cake was yummy!! So, Happy Birthday Izzy Bug!! I love you!!

Hope Now

My new favorite song

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free (Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free (You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free

Very interesting

Today in my marriage and family class, my teacher was talking about how important communication skills are in relationships. Everything he said was so helpful and I know I definitely need to apply these when Andrew and I get into a fight. I found them so helpful/interesting I thought I would share them....so here goes! Hope it helps some of ya'll too. =)

Destructive and Constructive ways when it comes to communication:

Destructive (aka don't do these):

• Name calling- this one might seem pretty obvious, but no matter if you were mad at your SO or what, you should never name call, because even if you apologize and your SO says they forgive you, still, they will probably always remember it.
• Drifting - If your SO brings up a situation they want to change, and then you change the subject, that is a result of anxiety. Always try to work things out in the moment, don't keep putting it off
• Kitchen sinking- not really sure why it is called this, but don't bring things up from the past. It only causes more fights, especially if you all have already talked about it and "overcome" it
• Diagnosis - Don't say to your SO "you know what your problem is".....ummm if Andrew ever said that to me, I would probably smack him, so steer clear of diagnosing someone else's problems....just talk about them. Don't judge.
• De-valuing- My teacher's example of this was "Say you went to a party with your boyfriend and his friend said something to you that hurt your feelings and you later told your boyfriend about it and his response was "oh that is just the way he is" or "he didn't mean it". De-valuing the way your partner feels only hurts their feelings more and makes them think that you care more about your friend then their own feelings.
• Threatening- NEVER do this. It sets commands on a relationship or it can be emotional black mailing. This is saying something like "if you don't lose weight, we are done" or even going so far to say "if you break up with me, I will kill myself" Threats like this, whether they are serious or not, are just BADDDD
• Mind-reading - Never tell your SO that you already know what they are going to say, because you don't and it just seems to devalue their own thoughts

Constructive:

• Validation - tell them you understand their feelings and that you are there for them. Sometimes listening isn't all a person needs
• "I" statements - Instead of saying "You spend too much time with your friends and never with me" say "I miss our time together." The first one accuses them and the second one paraphrasing what you are saying in a more sensitive way and will probably get your point across more efficiently.
• Leveling- put all your cards on the table, don't hold anything back. If you don't, it will only come back to bite you in the butt later.
• Editing - Monitor your emotions when you are in a fight. Don't let them influence how you act.....

Hope these were kind of helpful and eye-opening. I know they helped me realize something!

Ugh Monday

So since this is my blog, I am allowed to complain as much as I want, right? Ok....well here goes

Today has just been.....blah. Not good at all, and it doesn't look like it is going to be getting any better.

Well, last night I decided to wear my retainer (I know, who really cares right?) because I need to get my bottom teeth straight again. Well, I knew my teeth would be sore today, but I had no idea I would wake up in the middle of the night because my teeth hurt so bad. So I took it out and tried to fall back asleep. I know I'm gonna have to keep wearing it,but danggg it hurt.

Then when my alarm went off this morning, I woke up and my throat hurt to the touch. Sooo freaking weird. This has never happened to me before. I don't have a sore throat, no cough, nothing...just touching my hand where my glands in my throat are hurt so bad. And they also feel swollen. Great....just peachy. Andrew was sick this weekend but there was NO way I wasn't kissing him so I took my chances, but man that bit me in the butt. I swear, every time Andrew is sick or he leaves, I get sick, and it is usually 10x worse then whatever he had.

Well, then while I'm leaving, I lock my bedroom door and completely forgot that my apartment keys are hanging on the back of the door. Too late now. I couldn't even lock our front door this morning. That made me feel just great, and then I felt bad so I locked my roommate's door just to be safe. So now, after I get off of work, I'm gonna have to go to the office at my apartment and see if someone can walk me up to my apartment and let me in. They better not give me any grief about it since it was a mistake.

After the whole key incident, I make it to school barely on time. School wasn't to bad, expect everything in micro is going over my head and we have a test in 1 week.

When I was leaving, I noticed this girl's shoes and it made me sooo mad. Ok, let me explain on this one. For my birthday, my parents ordered me these awesome Nike shocks. Repeat...AWESOME! The only problem is they were a little snug, so I took them back to the store and asked them if I could return them and have them send me a size 10. "Sure no problem, they should be here in 3-5 business days." Well, great, off I go. In 3-5 business days, I finally get my shoes, open the box and they are the wrong flipping color. My shoes were black and pink, these were purple and white? Ummmm.....so off I go back to the store and tell them these aren't my shoes and I would like the correct ones. "Sure, no problem". So I wait for my correct shoes to come in and I get a call from my dad. The store had called him and said, "The shoes I wanted are now out of stock ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY so I could go to the store and get my money back or she could send him the money." Are you flipping kidding me? It is not my fault you sent me the wrong color and now the shoes I want are not available. Maybe if you had sent me the right color the first time, we wouldn't have had this problem. Sooo.....back to today, I saw a girl with "my" shoes on and I wanted to snatch them off her feet and run....but I didn't. lol

Now, I'm at work and my throat/glands are still killing me. I have a doctor's appt on Wednesday if nothing changes. My head is starting to pound too and I'm freezing (which makes me think I have a temperature.) I can't even concentrate on my homework because I feel so bad.

So here is to me hoping the next 8 hour and 15ish minutes of this day get better!! Sorry I know this post was completely annoying and full of complaining, but I feel much better now and I didn't have to go off on anyone....so mission accomplished.

emptyyy

Andrew is gone...again. Am I ever going to get used to this?? I always think I'm gonna take the goodbye part well (and I usually do) but then when Andew finally is gone, that is when it hits me and it hurts the most. I swear, it feels like the being apart thing is never ever going to end....and I honestly don't see it ending anytime soon. That is the sucky part!! I wish I could see him everyday and actually know what he is doing and going through instead of just hearing about it over the phone. I don't even know is this makes sense, but moving onnnn

The past couple of days were pretty awesome. Thursday my 2nd class got canceled so I spend the rest of the day at the pool with Brinley. I TOTALLY missed this one spot on my chest and I got burned bad, but oh well! Atleast it is warm enough to even get a sun tan. I had dinner with Andrew's mom that night and it was really nice being able to catch up with her. Friday I went to lunch and the mall with Allison. I got some really great deals. Then I cleaned and waiting for Mr.Andrew to get home. He finally did around 10:30 and just being in his arms again felt.....right. It had only been about 2 weeks since I saw him, but it really did feel like it had been forever. I needed to see him....and thankfully I got to. I bought us this world map so we could put pins on every place we had been. He, of course, had about 4x as many as I had, but oh well. I hope one day we can put pins in places that we go together. Saturday, I went to my house so I could see my Izzy. I am so freaking in love with her. She has started asking for me and calling my name and I love it every single time. She is a doll. We hunted for easter eggs and took some pictures! Later on, I went over to Andrew's house and we ate dinner and watched New Moon...finally!!!

And, of course, today is Easter. I got to wear my pretty Easter dress today. Church was awesome as usual!! Then I went over to Andrew's house for lunch. It was yummy. I ate WAYYY to much ice cream....way to much. I took a nap while he packed and then he had to leave...again. I guess back to my normal routine now.....joyyyy

But, I'm NOT going to let my stupid, emotional feelings ruin Easter!!

Matthew 28:1-10
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and
the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an
angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the
stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were
white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like
dead men.
The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that
you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just
as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his
disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee.
There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
So the women hurried away
from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.
Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his
feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell
my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."