Oh man, it's been forever

This is the first time THIS YEAR that I have written anything. Kinda pathetic. I really need to keep up with this thing more because I know later on in life I'm going to love coming back and reading everything. My life over the past 4 months has been emotional and stressful, but overall good. God has really taken care of me when I need Him the most. Andrew has now been deployed for almost 5 months. This is my 2nd real deployment and we don't get to talk nearly as often as we did last time. I would say he calls once every 2 weeks (if that) and I haven't seen his face since he left. I've been trying to see how God works in my life and really taken it upon myself to realize it. This time 2 years ago, I would be going crazy within a week if Andrew hadn't called or skype-d with me, now I'm just thankful everytime he can call. I know he is safe and sound and he was thinking of me. God has also filled my life with school. I know I complain about it and it is really hard, but overall I am thankful that I have something to do to pass the time. I honestly can't believe I am almost done with my 2nd semester of Nursing School. It feels like it just started. I find myself loving it more and more.

This post is going to be all over the place but I feel like I have a lot to say.

My neice is now 3. We had her birthday party last weekend and she had a blast. She is the most beautiful little girl, I know I might be biased, but its the truth.lol I treat her more like my sister than anything. I guess it is because I never had a younger sibling, so I get to pick on her and drive her crazy. It's kinda weird how bugging her amuses me. My mom hates it, but its all for fun!! I love that little girl to pieces and there is nothing I wouldn't do for her.

I found out on Saturday that Andrew's unit lost 2 guys. The first time I got an email about a casuality was in January and I started crying. It was probably because it was so soon after he left and it just scared me. I know he is danger everyday, but then to hear about someone getting hurt near where he is put it in a whole perspective for me. This time around, I found out about it online. It took over my thoughts for the rest of the day. I kept thinking about the two Marines,those poor families, the poor Marines that had to witness it, just everything. I have found myself praying for Andrew's safety more and more after that. I know when he comes home and I get to finally hug him at homecoming, its going to be like a huge weight has been lifted. I can't wait until he is home. I know a couple post ago, I mentioned how I was going to be counting up....well here is a picture of how I am doing it.



This was taken a few weeks ago. My heart is getting close to finally being full again. I know I am ready for him to be home, I can almost imagine how he feels. One of my friends texted me the other day, and she said the sweetest thing. It is funny how little reminders make your whole entire day. I said something along the lines of "I miss him, I can't wait till he comes home", and my friend said, "You know he misses you" and I replied "I hope so", and what she said next, I will always remember. She said "Girl you're the best thing in that boy's life. Trust me, he's counting down the days." :) Should I say it again how much I can't wait until he is home??

This coming week is finals. Then I have one week off and I start summer school. If you read this, can you please say a prayer for me. I know it will be stressful and time consuming but in the end completely worth it. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I know God will give me the energy to get through this, as He always does.

I promise I will try to update this thing more, I've really missed it.

Definitely made me cry

I didnt write this, a Marine Girlfriend posted it on facebook forever ago.


My love and prayers go out to all the girls who will read this note, fully understand every single word, and be in tears by the time she’s done…

If you have never loved a Marine, then you wouldn’t know how it feels to watch him leave, never knowing when you will see his face again. You wouldn’t know the pain endured and tears shed with every good-bye. You wouldn’t know how it feels to hope and pray he comes back the same man you fell in love with. You wouldn’t know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for months on end, and the longing to simply touch his cheek. You wouldn’t know the heartache after missing his long awaited call or the hint of happiness when you realize that you are now able to listen to the voicemail over and over again. You wouldn’t understand why a Friday night on the phone with him beats going out with the girls. You haven’t truly felt the lack of sleep until after those long phone calls that go on until midnight his time, six A.M. yours when you have to get up for work at seven.

If you’ve never loved a Marine you wouldn’t know how it feels to go to a restaurant or to the mall, attempting not to notice couples holding hands, trying to hold back tears, knowing it will be twenty seven weeks until your fingers are once more intertwined in his.

If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never be able to comprehend the immense pride that fills your smile when you wear his sweatshirt with ‘USMC’ across your chest, or the reason you wear his dog tags: to always keep him close to your heart♥. You wouldn’t know what its like to cuddle up in his clothes and grasp the teddy bear he made you last week, knowing that its the closest to him you can get. You wouldn’t understand how decorating the back of your car with bumper stickers could ever be cool, and the connection you feel with another whose car wears the same emblem as your own. You wouldn’t know the sacrifice, the willingness to let go of someone you love so much for the good of faceless strangers who would not have spared him a passing glance, had he been in his civilian clothes. You wouldn’t know the feeling of uncertainty, never knowing where he will be sent next year, or next week. You would never know how it feels to be left alone with your hopes, dreams, and fears, to have your whole future hanging in the balance of the next couple months until he comes home.

If you’ve never loved a Marine, you would never fully know the meaning of the phrase: ‘Semper Fi.’ You wouldn’t be able to comprehend the anxiousness of waiting for the mailman, the extreme joy when a letter finally arrives, and the tears that follows as you read his quick scribbled handwriting. You wouldn’t ever have to send a letter with its stamp upside down to a faraway camp in a land you rather not know about. You wouldn’t understand the anticipation leading up to the day when you can once again hold him in your arms. You wouldn’t know why that feeling of awe over a man in uniform, has suddenly become a deep longing and grief because you miss your man so much.

If your heart has never belonged to a Marine you wouldn’t know what it’s like to become ecstatic when you see a man in dress blues across a billboard, freak out when you watch the commercial on T.V., and feel your chest tighten when you read a sign that says ‘Support our Troops, Bring Them Home!’ You wouldn’t understand this because you do not realize that he wanted to fight, and as much as you need him, you know our country needed him more. You’ll never understand the strength you have to muster up to be strong and put on a smile for the world, even though you feel so weak inside.

Unless you’ve loved a Marine, you wouldn’t know that the meaning behind his girl’s smile is heartache and longing, pride and joy, willingness and uncertainty, and a love great enough to cross oceans, encompass deserts, transcend mountains, and overcome anything that comes between the two of them.

Friendships

I take friendships pretty seriously. I don't know about everyone else, but friends are like family so I'm going to treat them that way. I don't know what it is about today, but little things have really kinda hurt my heart when it comes to friends. I know I personally put in effort with my friends, tell them I miss them, ask them to hang out, ask them to come places with me, etc. And I love how a couple of people in particular never do it back. I know it kinda sounds like I'm in 5th grade, but it is starting to hurt my feelings. I think I'm going to start living by the quote that says "Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option." I hate the fact that we go from talking all the time, then when I stop texting, they don't ever text me. I don't want to be the one who always does it first. How is that friendship? I don't really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. I tell you all about my life, what I'm doing ect, and I have to find out what you are doing from facebook. Seriously? I had no idea about it and I feel like if you were really excited about what is going on in your life, you would share it with me. Well, I guess not. It just makes me want to stick with friends who actually care. That's all I've got tonight, I guess.

I might delete this tomorrow, it just made me feel better getting it out.

Semper Fi

This is the story of a wounded Marine meeting the Commandant, as told by Former President Ronald Reagan in a speech, in 1987
My dad use to tell me about this, and now I just stumbled across it. It made me cry.

Excerpt from President Ronald Reagan’s March 4, 1987 speech, dealing with the Marine Barracks Bombing in Beirut, Lebanon:

“…May I share something with you I think you’d like to know? It’s something that happened to the Commandant of our Marine Corps, General Paul Kelley, while he was visiting our critically injured Marines in an Air Force Hospital. It says more than any of us could ever hope to say about the gallantry and heroism of these young men who serve so willingly so that others might have a chance at peace and freedom in their own lives and in the life of their country. I’ll let General Kelley’s words describe the incident.

He spoke of a ‘young marine with more tubes going in and out of his body than I have ever seen in one body. He couldn’t see very well. He reached up and grabbed my four stars, just to make sure I was who I said I was. He held my hand with a firm grip. He was making signals , and we realized he wanted to tell me something. We put a pad of paper in his hand - and he wrote “Semper Fi.”

Well, if you’ve been a Marine or if, like myself, you’re an admirer of the Marines, you know those words are a battlecry, a greeting, and a legend in the Marine Corps. They’re Marine shorthand for the motto of the Corps - “Semper Fidelis” — “Always Faithful.”

General Kelley has a reputation for being a very sophisticated general and a very tough Marine. But he cried when he saw those words, and who can blame him?”

October 23rd.....Already???

I honestly cannot believe October will be over next weekend. That's so scary. I remember just like it was yesterday that I posted on facebook that it was already October and how much I hated it. Andrew leaves in wayyyy less than 2 months, and I'm scared as anything, to be honest.I know worry is a lack of trust in God, but humans have a hard time with that. I've already been thinking of things to send him. I know what I'm going to be putting in his birthday package and our anniversary package. I also came up with an idea of how to countup this deployment. I'll post a picture when the dreaded time comes to make this thing. I've also tried to stay busy so I don't think about what is about to happen. When school isn't taking all my time, I try to atleast do some fun things!

Monday I went to Dollywood. It's a theme park in Tennessee that Ms. Dolly Parton owns. It was pretty fun! The last time I went was with Andrew right before bootcamp, so it had been awhile.

This was my favorite ride.



Also, on Thursday I carved pumpkins with Brinley and Lindsey. I had found a picture of a pumpkin I wanted to try to do.
This was the one I found.



And this was my finished product!!


I am in love with how it turned out! I think its WAY cute!!

I also went to see "The Social Network" last night, and it is a really good movie! A lot better then I thought it was!

Today, I got my two Bands for Arms braclets! They are awesome! If you don't know what I'm talking about, check this out: http://www.bandsforarms.com/


On a different note, Andrew has been in California for 2 weeks now, and I haven't heard his voice in a week now. He texts me here and there when he gets service, or he isn't busy....but man I miss that boy. It sucks that I can't talk to him now and then in a few weeks, I still won't be able to talk to him. Oh how I love the MC....

Now, I'm gonna try to convince my mom to take me shopping! We will see how that goes :) I know this blog was all over the place, but that is how my mind is these days.

Still learning

Even though I'm 21, I'm still learning things about myself all the time. Last night, my mom and I got into a disagreement. When I get upset or angry, I just shut down. I don't talk, I don't do anything really. I guess that is my way of making sure the other person knows that I'm mad. I know I do it with Andrew every time I get mad at him. But, even if he has hurt my feelings, I still don't want to hurt his, and it never once occured to me that by shutting down and not speaking to him might actually be hurting his feelings.

Last night, after my mom and I disagreed, I didn't say another word to her and I just went to bed. I was obviously just thinking about myself and never once how I was making her feel. This morning I woke up and was still kinda hurt from last night and didn't really say much. After lunch, I found a letter my mom wrote and she explained to me that how I was acting was hurting her feelings and that she would never act like this towards me EVEN IF we did argue. That really opened my eyes not only with my relationship with my mom but with Andrew too. I know that not talking isn't going to solve anything any faster, its just immature. I hate when I hurt my mom's feelings...it really does hurt my heart. And then, she apologizes that she hurt mine. Ugh, so of course that made me cry. I guess you learn as you grow and even in random moments, you can learn something about yourself that you never would have imagined. So here is to trying to stop acting so stupid if my feelings are hurt. I gotta talk it out.

Happy 10/10/10

First off, Happy 10/10/10. Today in church, Pastor Sam said when the next time 10/10/10 comes around, we will be in Heaven. Isn't that pretty cool to think about? I thought so.

Anyways....Andrew has been in California for about 3 days now, and I've really come to notice something. Whenever Andrew is gone and we can't talk, days drag on and on and on. He's gonna be there for 6 weeks and of course Verizon doesn't get any service in the desert so these 6 weeks are gonna take forever! Whenever I can call him or text him, the days just pass on by. I guess when my friends' husbands are deployed and I think the days are going by so fast, well to me they are, but to them they aren't. Just these 3 days have already made me DREAD December and this stupid deployment. I know that this deployment is going to bring me even closer to God and strength my faith in Him, because I know I am going to have to put complete trust and faith in Him because I'm gonna be helpless to do anything.

It's kinda weird though because in some ways I cannot wait for Andrew to leave (I know that sounds awful), but I can't wait to get this countdown started; I can't wait to start writing letters and sending carepackages!! I just can't wait until next summer!

Well, I need to get to study. This next week is not going to be fun whatsoever! Happy Sunday!