Exactly What I Needed To Hear

Today's church sermon was amazing. I felt like God wanted me to be there to hear it and it was in some ways written to help me. It was absolutely amazing and I'm going to try to explain what Pastor Sam talked about.

The whole service was about Marriages marred and mended. Now, yes, I'm well aware that I'm not married, but I felt like this applied directly to my relationship. It's no secret that Andrew and I have our problems. We are a very passionate couple, and passion comes with love and sometimes (well many times) arguments.

A model marriage has this:

Oneness - Where your spouse is the most important person in your life, other than God. In the bible it says, "A man is to leave his mother and father and join with his wife." Pastor Sam said that doesn't mean you technically have to leave your parents, but a man is to now regard his wife as the most important relationship, and no one should come before her (expect for God).

Openness - This one is kinda self explanatory. You have to be open with your spouse.

Next..... A Marred Marriage

Pastor Sam talked about how marriage problems are spiritual problems. Which I totally agree, and that can also be in any dating relationship too. Selfishness is the heart of the problem. That really struck a cord with me, because I know he is right. I'm not ashamed to say I can be and am selfish. It is one of my worst qualities. That has to change if I ever want things to get better. I realize that and I really am working hard on it. Pastor Sam named some selfish-ness (is that a word?) and I'm gonna write them out. I don't remember exactly what he said with each of them because I was to busy paying attention to write. haha

~ Self-focused Deception
~ Self-focused Desire - which he said was focusing on what I don't have more than what I do have. Which, by the way, is A LOT if I would just realize it.
~ Self-focused Desire
~ Self-focused Deflection
~ Self-focused Domination

And then the blame game starts. In Genesis, Adam blames Eve for tempting him with the apple, and then Eve blames the snake. They never blame themselves, which I admit, I do a lot. I got to start sucking up my pride and blaming myself for the stuff I have done.

Pastor Sam said marriages are never hopeless, because there is a God who can mend ANYTHING!

Next.... A Mended Marriage
God gives hope to the broken hearted.

A marriage (or relationship) can be mended through the power of our Savior.

Romans 5:20b was quoted. It says, "But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more."

He also showed this picture.


He said," If there is hope at ground zero, then there can be hope in a marriage."

The key to any marriage or relationship is to not focusing on each other, but on Jesus.

I hoped this helped someone, because it really did help me!!

For the guys....

Tell her how you ADMIRE her. when she’s upset, hold her tight. PICK HER OVER all the other girls you hang out with. PLAY WITH HER HAIR. pick her up, tickle her and wrestle with her. JUST TALK TO HER. TELL HER JOKES. BRING HER FLOWERS just because. Holdherhandandrun. just hold her hand. …let her fall asleep in your arms. Tell her she looks beautiful. Look into her eyes and smile. kiss her on the forehead. kiss her in the rain. If you want to be with her… tell her

Tell her why you think shes so amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at you, listen to her and remember why you upset her so next time you wont. Give her back rubs. Play football with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her when she least expects it. Be her best friend...

Nursing School/Feelings

Today I had round one of my nursing school orientation. I was so nervous and anxious that it made my head hurt. I have no idea why I get so nervous over nursing school, I guess I just don't want to fail. I want summer to last forever, but then I also want school to start so I can get it over with. 17 months will be over before I know it right? I almost fainted when I learned how much books were. They are basicially 1/3 of how much my tutition is. I keep having to tell myself it will be worth it in the future.

Also, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am seriously in a funk. I think I figured out why, and its this simple...jealously and distance. I'm not going to mention any names but a couple of people might know exactly who I'm talking about. I hate when I see people get what I want when they don't even deserve it. They get to experience something that I want and its just not fair. I guess life isn't fair, but duringthe last couple months it REALLY hasn't been fair. I don't know how else to explain it without just coming out and saying whats wrong, but this past weekend was hard. Also, distance is seriously getting the best of me. Its been 3 weeks since I have seen Andrew's face, or hugged him, or gotten to touch him and I feel like I'm wasting away. It feels like forever, and I have atleast a month (if not more) until I see him again. It makes me tear up typing this, but distance is so hard. Most of my friends have no idea how it feels to not see their boyfriends for weeks or months at a time, so I feel so lonely sometimes. Even though I keep my mouth shut, I can't stand when people tell me "I can't imagine doing what you are doing, I miss my boyfriend after one night a part." Well suck it up....that is what I want to say. If you had to, you could do it. It's hard and it sucks, but please keep it to yourself that the most you are a part from your boyfriend is a night here or there. Most people don't get what I go through, and I guess that is okay. They don't have to. I just wish sometimes that it wasn't so hard. I love seeing Andrew for more then a weekend, but I also feel like it makes it harder. I've never felt so lonely then I do right now, and like I said, its only been 3 weeks. I wish I could fix whatever is wrong with me, but I guess first I have to figure out what it is. I just wish for once I could get some luck....I just miss my boyfriend and I'm allowed to whine about it.

Life

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

Tears

Every cried so much, you don't know what it feels like to go a day without doing it? That is how I feel. This distance is really starting to get to me. Somedays, I honestly don't know how I've done it for 3+ years now. IT SUCKS! It never used to suck before, but it really does right now. I don't know what is wrong with me and why now it is just feeling so hard. It might be because there are so many things in my life that are changing. I just moved home, I start nursing school in 17 days, and I'm supposed to start soon (hey its my blog, I don't care). All of that combined is making me crazy. Well, that is what I'm assuming. It drives me crazy when I don't hear from Andrew often, and some days I feel like that makes me a psycho, but other days I feel like its just me being a girl. Is that too much to ask for? I feel like I put too much pressure on this relationship, but I don't know how not to. I feel like I expect too much, but is that a bad thing? I want to feel loved and I don't always feel like that. My heart really hurts right now...

I know I wrote the word "feel" about 50 million times, sorry

If you knew me...

Last night I was watching the new show on MTV called "If you knew me" and I thought I would give it a shot....so here goes....

If you knew me, you would know that I'm not always as happy as I seem. Memories, thoughts, and the past get me down a lot. It's hard for me to let go of things that have hurt me, even though I try. It's hard for me to move past resentment and I really wish there was an "Easy Button" for things like that. If you knew me, you would know that my family is no where near perfect. But, I guess no family is. Some days I get so fed up with them that I just want to get in my car and drive far far away, but all in all I love them with everything I have. If you knew me, you would know that I'm scared to fail. I start nursing school next month, and I secretly don't want to. I'm so scared I'm not going to be good at being a nurse, or I won't know what to do for someone when the time comes. People ask me all the time if I am excited to start and I always say yes but deep down, I'm not at all. If you knew me, you would know that I envy many people. I think life can be unfair a lot of the time. Andrew and I have been dating for almost 3 and a half years now and not once has he been home for any of my birthdays or our anniversaries...and to me that isn't fair. I know people probably think, well you knew what you were getting yourself into when you starting dating him, but does that make any of it fair? If you knew me, you would know that some days I just feel like crying. Like today. I think crying is the only thing that is going to make me feel better. If you knew me, you would know that I miss my puppy more then anything. Just this past weekend I slept in and the first thing I thought of when I woke up was "Oh man, I need to take Moco outside." August 6 will be one year since he passed, and it still hurts my heart every time I think about him. I can still vividly picture his face and hear his bark. I miss that dog so freaking much. If you knew me, you would know that I need to get back to trusting and talking to God more. I go to church every Sunday I am in town, but it still doesn't feel like enough some days. I need to stop being so lazy and read my Bible more and just spend time with God and talk to Him. He is the one who REALLY knows me and loves me exactly how I am, so why don't I treat Him like that. If you really knew me, you would know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I try to think everything is always going to be okay and I try not to think the worst about anything, even though sometimes that is hard. If you knew me, you would know that I'm terrified of Andrew's upcoming deployment. The last one was hard on us even though we talked a lot, so I can't even imagine how Afghanistan will be. I'm terrified of something happening to him and it makes my heart sink just thinking about it. I honestly don't know what I would do with myself. If you knew me, you would know that I love people and I would seriously do anything for anyone if they needed me. I hate letting people down and I can't stand when someone is mad at me.


That is all I have so far, sorry for the rambling. I might add more later.

I've been slacking

I haven't written a blog in...forever. I know. I randomly think of something that I want to write here, but when I come to write it, it never sounds as good as it did in my head. Such is life, I guess.

I've been a pretty busy girl here for the past two weeks. My online summer classes started 2 weeks ago and I've been non stop working on them. I've been trying to get a lot of stuff done before I start Nursing School in August, which I am soooo scared about. I know that is kinda sad, but I am. I'll probably throw up the first day of classes and then be fine. ha

Yesterday was father's day, and we had a great day. I wanted to share what the card said that I got for my dad because I thought it was absolutely perfect!
It read:

A few things daughters know because of dads:

-That little princesses can be sluggers, too.
-That life's too short not to laugh...or eat ice cream...or dream big.
-That somebody thinks she's beautiful even when she forgets it.
-That there'll always be at least one guy she can count on, no matter what.

-That growing up is just for a little while, but a dad's love is forever, Happy Father's Day!



I'm one extremely blessed girl to have such an amazing father! I love him more than words could ever ever say!!!