6 Months - Hey Monday

You're the direction I follow
To get home
When I feel like I can't go on
You tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing
Without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
Cuz you have that affect on me
You do
Everything you say
Every time we kiss I can't think straight
But I'm ok
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss
As much as I hate missing you
Months going strong now
And no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me
I love you Harder so
Everything you say every time we kiss I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss
As much as I hate missing you
So please give me your hands
So please give me a lesson on how to steal a heart
Steal a heart as fast as you stole mine
As you stole mine
Oh and everything you say
Every time we kiss I can't think straight
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to missAs much as I hate missing you
So please give me your hands
So please just take my hand

Back to reality

I haven't updated this thing in what feels like forever. My life has been kinda hectic, but isn't that how it always is? Andrew came home last Thursday and he just left today. Right when I drove out of his driveway, I got instantly sad. I know he is gone WAY more then he is home, but when he is home longer than a week, I get used to him being with me, and now I don't know what I'm gonna do now that he is gone. I already miss him. I haven't slept alone so tonight is gonna be kinda weird, but oh well. The week he was here, I was really emotional, and I don't know why. I felt bad for being that way around Andrew, but I honestly couldn't help it. I guess I was stressed with midterms being the same exact week he was home (how convienant right?) and then trying to manage my time with all that and then my dad got put back into the hospital since he was having a hard time breathing, so this WHOLE month has been hard, but I got through it. Thankfully! I have three tests next week, but after that its spring break and I'll be with Andrew again, so I can't complain too much!

Changing subjects though, I am such a weird and confusing person. It has always been hard for me to tell people how I feel about them. When people say they miss me or they love me, it makes me feel awkward and I don't know how. Like how stupid is that.? I don't really like to people how I feel about them either because I guess it makes me feel vulnerable? I don't actually know though, it is such a weird feeling. And for some reason I started thinking, what is love? In my marriage and family class, my teacher was saying love is caring for the other person, wanting to spend time with them, etc...but I take it as more then that, but the funny thing is, I can't explain what it is either. When I tell my mom I love her, what does the word *love* mean? When I tell Andrew I *love* him, what does that mean? I know this is soooo confusing, but I feel like now-a-days, people use the L word too much. They love this show, they love running, they love pizza.....but that love IS NOT the same thing as saying you love someone. That is why when I tell someone I "love" them, I try to use another word or another phrase like I adore you or something along those lines. And love can't just be a word, it has to be an action. I know Andrew loves me, but knowing it sometimes isn't always enough. Just the other night I was a ball of emotions, and I can't tell you why because I don't even know. Well I just started crying and Andrew wraps his arms around me and tells me to just let it all out and that he was there for me and he talked me through it. He never once used the word love or anything like that, but just by his actions, I knew how he felt. I know this was so confusing and probably didn't make much sense. It doesn't really make much sense to me either, but I just something don't like the way I am, and I wish when people would tell me that they loved me, I would believe them instead of having to second guess them. For me love is a feeling you can't explain, and that is how I know I love someone.

Ok, I'll stop being confusing now

I keep on lovin' you

Love takes the patience of Job
That's what my Mama always said
Faith is the belief in something more than what you know
That's what the Good Book says
You gotta play the cards you got
Who knows what fate is holding
At times you gotta go without knowing where you're going

That's why I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave me's
And never will agains
And I promise tos
I keep on lovin' you

Lord knows we've had our share of fights
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs
We've had plenty and then some of baby I'm gones and turnarounds
Sometimes I swear it might be easier to throw in the towel
Someday we're gonna look back
Say look at us now

That's why I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave me's
And never will agains
And I promise tos
I keep on lovin' you
Keep on lovin' you

Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like thats
I'd never hurt yous...Oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you
Through the I take it backs...I didn't mean it like that
I'd never hurt yous...Oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you...I keep on lovin' you

Surgery is Over

I posted this on the bible forum on the board and I am so exhausted that I don't feel like retyping something new, so I just copied and pasted it here.....



Thank you all so much for the prayers! I can't even begin to describe how much it means to my family and I. My dad went back into surgery around 845am and did not get out until about 6. The doctor said he was very pleased with how well the surgery went! He said they had to replace his tricuspid valve ( which is the valve that take blood from the right atrium into the right ventricle before it heads to your lungs, if I remember right) and they also replaced his aneurysm, which was by far worse then the doctors had expected but thankfully they got that fixed before something happened!! I left my nursing class early and got to the hospital as fast as I could so I would be able to see him. They told us to prepare ourselves because there would be tubes everywhere and he could be swollen. He did not look as bad as I had been picturing, but I still cried because it is never easy seeing your dad like that! He is still on anesthesia since his surgery was such a serious one and they are going to let his body come off that on its own, which will probably be around midnight tonight or so. He is also breathing on a ventilator but the nurse said once he starts waking up, they have to get him breathing on his own before they can take it out. That really breaks my heart, because that was the ONE thing that my dad was worried about. He didn't even want to know the ventilator was in, but they have to make sure he can breathe on his own so he has to be awake. I just hope they can calm him down and maybe give him some pain medicine to help with uncomfortableness. I cannot wait to see him tomorrow and actually be able to give him a hug!! Thanks again for all the prayers!! God really is sooooo good and faithful, and He really proved that to me over this last week!!

constantly praying

This week has been pretty crazy. Hopefully I can explain everything and it won’t get to long. Well last week I turned 21. For my birthday my parents took me to the Melting Pot for dinner! It was really really yummy. The dessert is my favorite part, of course. Then Friday night I was supposed to go out with all my friends, but of course the weather had to ruin all those plans, so we decided just to stay in and have a little party at the apartment. It was so much fun and I am actually really glad that we stayed in! I have some great friends and I honestly could not have asked for a better night. Well that was last week; this week has been a little overwhelming, especially these last couple days. Last year the doctor x-rayed my dad’s chest and found he had an aneurysm in one of his valves. Well the doctor did not think it was that serious last year, but it has gotten serious and he needed to get the ball rolling on getting his surgery done. Well he went to the hospital yesterday to do some tests and schedule his surgery, well the doctor decided to keep him. I headed over there after class and stayed until the surgeon showed up so I could hear what he said. What he said was making me nervous. He was telling my dad about all the risks that come along with this surgery, and at the very end he goes “Because of your age and since you waited so long to come in, there is a 10-15% chance of death.” I swear my heart stopped when I heard him say that. It really really did freak me out. When I left the hospital last night, I left thinking he would already be in surgery by the time I could make it to the hospital today and if something did happen to him, I wanted to make sure that I gave him a good enough goodbye (just in case) but I did not want to go over the top because I didn’t want him to catch on. I just knew I had to make sure he knew that I loved him. This morning the doctor ran some blood test and he was a little concerned with his kidneys so they did a 24 hour test. I am pretty sure he won’t have his surgery now until Monday morning (we think).

I honestly haven’t known what to do expect to turn this all over to God. Last night was really hard because I was so scared that I would never see my dad again and I just cried myself to sleep. I have been praying constantly today that God would just keep my dad’s body strong so that he can pull through this surgery and start feeling normal again. I know God is good and everything is going to be okay, I just wish I could know for sure!!! Who know getting older would be so hard……