"Happy" New Year

2013...... I always look forward to the New Year. I guess in some ways, I did this year too. But, it also brought some sadness. 2012 was a major rollercoaster for me. I had the best and worst days of my life all within 4 months of each other. In some ways, I didn't want 2012 to end. The end of the year took me farther away from the last day I saw my dad or heard his voice. I now can't say "he passed away in September", now it is "he passed away last year". Christmas was hard without him. I'm so blessed to have a husband who didn't even put up a fight when I said I wanted to spend the night at my mom's house and have Christmas morning there. Christmas morning is a big deal in my house and I couldn't imagine being anywhere exact with my mom. Christmas morning was honestly as good as it could be. Andrew bought all of us something to do with remembering my dad (which of course made me cry) and my mom got my dad's old business cards laminated for us. I now carry it in my wallet wherever I go. That night, we went to Andrew's house. It's nice having another family now. I found myself being extremely homesick lately, which hasn't happened since I first moved out. I just want to be with my mom and spend as much time with her as I can. I like being "home" even if no one is there. Memories have been popping into my head recently of my dad that I haven't thought about in a long time. Some nights are harder then others. I think when I'm by myself I have more time to think, which always leads to tears nowadays. I keep wondering what I would have gotten my dad for Christmas this year or what funny thing he would have said. This year will also be my first birthday without him. I miss his present and his advice. I just miss knowing that he was there.... 2013 I'm hopeful will be better than 2012. I just wish it was going to be a littler different 2013