I gotta keep this thing up to date....

A lot has been happening! First, Nursing School has been going pretty well! I've been in school for a little over a month and a half and it has flown by. I'm hoping the next 16 months fly by as well! It has been stressful and busy with studying ever weekend, but I know in the end when I'm able to graduate, it is going to be all worth it!

Also, I have gotten to see Andrew 2 times this month. Two weekends ago, Andrew got a random 96 and he came home. I absolutely LOVE when he comes home. Things are so much better when he is in Knoxville. I love hanging out with him around both of our families and just being able to do things. It makes my heart happy. We went to the UT vs Florida football game, which was the first one we got to go to together since 2008. Even though we lost and it was miserably hot outside, it was fun being with him.
Then, just this past weekend was the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. Andrew's was early this year because in November he will be training and not be here, so they pushed it up. I gotta admit, it was nearly as fun or as nice as the one in 2008. This year's was on base in a field house with no A/C. Outside felt better then in did in there. We only stayed until the presentation was over and we left to go to Ihop to eat! It felt like prom all over again, but it was fun. I left bright and early Sunday morning to get home to have time to study for my test on Monday. I hate leaving Jacksonville. I feel like that is where I am meant to be I feel like....oh well...


That's just a little bit of what has been going on in my life....fun right? haha

My heart is hurting

I don't even know where to start with this. Everytime I think about it, I want to start crying. One of the sweetest, most caring, and loving girls that I know doesn't deserve to be going through what she is. Thursday morning I woke up for work and got on facebook. I see Chrissy's status that said "This isn't happening, it can't be". Chrissy and I have become texting buddies, I guess you would say. Every since her boyfriend deployed, her and I text each other a lot. Venting has always helped my soul and no matter what she was going through, she always listened to me and gave wonderful advice and support. When I texted her Thursday, I asked her what was wrong and she told me that Josh had died. At first I thought it was a joke, and then I didn't know what to do. I was so confused and heart broken for her. All I could do was cry. I cried for her pain and her loss. I know she is unbearably sad and confused. I know I would be. I honestly don't know how I would manage to keep breathing. But as I have seen over the last couple of days, Chrissy is so much stronger then I could ever think of being. I know she is going through more then she ever has before and she is having a hard time with people, but she still goes on. She is still living as hard as it is. I admire her strength and her courage. I've been thinking about her constantly since I found out. I've been praying and I know God will take care of Chrissy, but it still doesn't make things any easier. I honestly do not not how I could handle something like this, and it makes me so scared for Andrew to be going over to Afghanistan soon. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Chrissy is living my worst nightmare and I just wish this was all a dream. She didn't deserve this and it just saddens me because I can only imagine how much pain she is in. I hope God comforts her as quickly as possible!! I don't know if she will ever read this, but I'm so sorry Chrissy. You're an angel and I'm always here for you if you need someone to listen to you! Hang in there and know that so many people love you.... :(

RIP Josh

Also, the board I am on has rasied over $1000 to help Chrissy. Who knew women that you meet online can become such a sisterhood and love eachother so much! It is just amazing to me and I'm proud to be a part of it!

Exactly What I Needed To Hear

Today's church sermon was amazing. I felt like God wanted me to be there to hear it and it was in some ways written to help me. It was absolutely amazing and I'm going to try to explain what Pastor Sam talked about.

The whole service was about Marriages marred and mended. Now, yes, I'm well aware that I'm not married, but I felt like this applied directly to my relationship. It's no secret that Andrew and I have our problems. We are a very passionate couple, and passion comes with love and sometimes (well many times) arguments.

A model marriage has this:

Oneness - Where your spouse is the most important person in your life, other than God. In the bible it says, "A man is to leave his mother and father and join with his wife." Pastor Sam said that doesn't mean you technically have to leave your parents, but a man is to now regard his wife as the most important relationship, and no one should come before her (expect for God).

Openness - This one is kinda self explanatory. You have to be open with your spouse.

Next..... A Marred Marriage

Pastor Sam talked about how marriage problems are spiritual problems. Which I totally agree, and that can also be in any dating relationship too. Selfishness is the heart of the problem. That really struck a cord with me, because I know he is right. I'm not ashamed to say I can be and am selfish. It is one of my worst qualities. That has to change if I ever want things to get better. I realize that and I really am working hard on it. Pastor Sam named some selfish-ness (is that a word?) and I'm gonna write them out. I don't remember exactly what he said with each of them because I was to busy paying attention to write. haha

~ Self-focused Deception
~ Self-focused Desire - which he said was focusing on what I don't have more than what I do have. Which, by the way, is A LOT if I would just realize it.
~ Self-focused Desire
~ Self-focused Deflection
~ Self-focused Domination

And then the blame game starts. In Genesis, Adam blames Eve for tempting him with the apple, and then Eve blames the snake. They never blame themselves, which I admit, I do a lot. I got to start sucking up my pride and blaming myself for the stuff I have done.

Pastor Sam said marriages are never hopeless, because there is a God who can mend ANYTHING!

Next.... A Mended Marriage
God gives hope to the broken hearted.

A marriage (or relationship) can be mended through the power of our Savior.

Romans 5:20b was quoted. It says, "But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more."

He also showed this picture.


He said," If there is hope at ground zero, then there can be hope in a marriage."

The key to any marriage or relationship is to not focusing on each other, but on Jesus.

I hoped this helped someone, because it really did help me!!

For the guys....

Tell her how you ADMIRE her. when she’s upset, hold her tight. PICK HER OVER all the other girls you hang out with. PLAY WITH HER HAIR. pick her up, tickle her and wrestle with her. JUST TALK TO HER. TELL HER JOKES. BRING HER FLOWERS just because. Holdherhandandrun. just hold her hand. …let her fall asleep in your arms. Tell her she looks beautiful. Look into her eyes and smile. kiss her on the forehead. kiss her in the rain. If you want to be with her… tell her

Tell her why you think shes so amazing. Play with her hair. Talk to her in movie theatres. Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her. Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''. Sit in the park and talk to her. Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops. Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. Write poems about her. Walk with her, even if its just around the block. Throw pebbles at her window at night. SURPRISE HER. Do things that make her SMILE, make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face. BE SPONTANEOUS.. When she starts yelling at you, listen to her and remember why you upset her so next time you wont. Give her back rubs. Play football with her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her even if its just to say hi. Call her back if she calls you. Whisper in her ear. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night. Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you. Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the *stars*. Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly. Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand. Teach her guitar. Lend her your cds. Make her cds of songs that remind you of her. Write her letters. If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip. Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long. Listen to her favorite songs. When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. Make her a romantic dinner for special days. Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary. Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her when she least expects it. Be her best friend...

Nursing School/Feelings

Today I had round one of my nursing school orientation. I was so nervous and anxious that it made my head hurt. I have no idea why I get so nervous over nursing school, I guess I just don't want to fail. I want summer to last forever, but then I also want school to start so I can get it over with. 17 months will be over before I know it right? I almost fainted when I learned how much books were. They are basicially 1/3 of how much my tutition is. I keep having to tell myself it will be worth it in the future.

Also, as I have mentioned in previous blogs, I am seriously in a funk. I think I figured out why, and its this simple...jealously and distance. I'm not going to mention any names but a couple of people might know exactly who I'm talking about. I hate when I see people get what I want when they don't even deserve it. They get to experience something that I want and its just not fair. I guess life isn't fair, but duringthe last couple months it REALLY hasn't been fair. I don't know how else to explain it without just coming out and saying whats wrong, but this past weekend was hard. Also, distance is seriously getting the best of me. Its been 3 weeks since I have seen Andrew's face, or hugged him, or gotten to touch him and I feel like I'm wasting away. It feels like forever, and I have atleast a month (if not more) until I see him again. It makes me tear up typing this, but distance is so hard. Most of my friends have no idea how it feels to not see their boyfriends for weeks or months at a time, so I feel so lonely sometimes. Even though I keep my mouth shut, I can't stand when people tell me "I can't imagine doing what you are doing, I miss my boyfriend after one night a part." Well suck it up....that is what I want to say. If you had to, you could do it. It's hard and it sucks, but please keep it to yourself that the most you are a part from your boyfriend is a night here or there. Most people don't get what I go through, and I guess that is okay. They don't have to. I just wish sometimes that it wasn't so hard. I love seeing Andrew for more then a weekend, but I also feel like it makes it harder. I've never felt so lonely then I do right now, and like I said, its only been 3 weeks. I wish I could fix whatever is wrong with me, but I guess first I have to figure out what it is. I just wish for once I could get some luck....I just miss my boyfriend and I'm allowed to whine about it.

Life

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It’s about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.

Tears

Every cried so much, you don't know what it feels like to go a day without doing it? That is how I feel. This distance is really starting to get to me. Somedays, I honestly don't know how I've done it for 3+ years now. IT SUCKS! It never used to suck before, but it really does right now. I don't know what is wrong with me and why now it is just feeling so hard. It might be because there are so many things in my life that are changing. I just moved home, I start nursing school in 17 days, and I'm supposed to start soon (hey its my blog, I don't care). All of that combined is making me crazy. Well, that is what I'm assuming. It drives me crazy when I don't hear from Andrew often, and some days I feel like that makes me a psycho, but other days I feel like its just me being a girl. Is that too much to ask for? I feel like I put too much pressure on this relationship, but I don't know how not to. I feel like I expect too much, but is that a bad thing? I want to feel loved and I don't always feel like that. My heart really hurts right now...

I know I wrote the word "feel" about 50 million times, sorry